IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Space exploration is too expensive and money should be spent on more important things. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#space #exploration #money
There are some people who believe that exploring outer
space
 is extremely exorbitant and the budget should be repurposed for other essential aspects.
This
 writer totally agrees with
this
 statement
due to
 the inefficiency
as well as
 the various issues which still exist on Earth. Obviously, it is a waste of money because of the vastness of the area outside humans’ planet. In order to study the universe, it usually takes scientists a large amount of time to gain the results without any assurance of success.
For instance
, in recent years, investment into
space
 research gradually become higher than in other areas, especially the project finding a new planet for human beings which still has not received any noticeable achievements.
Therefore
, it is too hard for people to support the idea of
space
 discovery.
Instead
 of pouring thousands of dollars into cosmos navigation, governments might have to pay more attention to their local problems which is significantly necessary.
In other words
, money should be utilized for solving more pressing issues
such
 as climate change, famine or poverty. Despite the high quality of living conditions in some developed countries, there are a few areas facing difficulty, particularly in Brazil,
this
 nation usually records that there are several slums located in the city centre.
As a consequence
, governments need to expend more budget on enhancing residents’ lives rather than
space
 exploration. In short,
although
 some presume that outer
space
 navigation is the most essential task nowadays,
this
 writer believes that people should cope with concerning problems on their planet before mentioning the universe.
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Task Achievement
To enhance your task achievement, consider providing more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. While general statements are made about the costs and alternative areas of spending, such as solving climate change, poverty, or developing slums, incorporating detailed examples or statistics can strengthen your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion further, making your argument even more persuasive.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your argument.
Comprehension & Relevance
You have articulated comprehensive ideas that address the prompt directly, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Logical Structure
The essay maintains a logical structure, guiding the reader through your argument efficiently.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exorbitant
  • myriad
  • pressing issues
  • allocated
  • advances
  • direct results
  • pave the way
  • uninhabitable
  • inspirational aspects
  • fuels innovation
  • shared goal
  • intellectual capital
  • budget overruns
  • tangible benefits
  • rationale
  • dedicating
  • returns on investment
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