In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents' home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a room with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples.
Being independent after 18 has
definately
negative and positive sides Correct your spelling
definitely
however
, in my opinion
the positive effects are more than the negatives.
When a teenager starts living Add the comma(s)
opinion,
by
her/his ownChange preposition
on
all alone
, they learn how to manage their Rephrase
apply
money
in a way that they find out gradually not to spend all of their allowance on throwing parties or hanging out with their friends but also
saving the
Correct article usage
apply
money
for the future. For instance
, in the first month that they feel free from the
Change the word
their
parents
opinions and plans, some of them start to Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
throwing
parties and Wrong verb form
throw
buying
drinks for their companions. Ultimately, after one or two months Wrong verb form
buy
that
they will be out of Correct word choice
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
money
and nothing will be remained
to live with for the rest of the month, they'll comprehensively figure Change to the active voice
remain
have remained
it
out that their Correct pronoun usage
apply
money
is not just for passing time
with other youth
people. Correct your spelling
young
Furthermore
in order to live separately, most of them feel the need of working
and Change preposition
to work
receiving
their own income so that they don't have to explain everything to their Wrong verb form
receive
parents
again. This
is a great way for them to know both sides of the future path and living alone as well. At this
time
, they will decide whether they want to continue their studies or living
school to enter into the business world.
Verb problem
leave
Although
most of the young generation feel happy and free when they choose to live away from the
family, there are a minor group of them that will Change the word
their
drag
down Wrong verb form
be dragged
into
a wrong path Change preposition
apply
such
as addiction to drugs or leaving university to waste all of their time
just for hanging out with friends. Another negative point of living alone or sharing the
room with another person is that there would be no ready Correct article usage
a
home made
meals anymore. The person has to manage the Correct your spelling
homemade
time
perfectly to have time
for cooking as well. Also
, these are young
generation who have no experience Correct article usage
the young
for
living Change preposition
of
out
of their parent's home. They will certainly miss home in hard times or in problems which they have to solve all Change preposition
outside
by
their own.
In conclusion, living alone after school has both positive and negative side effects Change preposition
on
which
all of Correct pronoun usage
apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
depends
on the person's decision and the way they will choose. In the meantime, Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
parents
can offer them their help for
Change preposition
in
the
hard situations so that they would know that they are not alone and their Correct article usage
apply
parents
haven't left them alone.Submitted by maryamnikfekr on
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Task Achievement
Consider balancing both sides of the argument more evenly to fully address the task. While your essay leans towards the positives, ensuring equal representation can strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve clarity, pay attention to the variety and complexity of sentence structures. Experiment with more complex sentence forms to enhance readability and coherence.
Language
Double-check for minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes as they can slightly distract from the overall quality of the writing. Small inaccuracies can be easily remedied with careful proofreading.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and justifies this view with relevant examples, effectively responding to the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well developed, providing a strong opening and closure to the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have effectively used paragraphs to organize your ideas, which helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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