IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Developing human
lives
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 is the biggest goal of science. The writer of
this
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 essay totally agrees with
this
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 notion as science provides advanced medical care and the convenience of communication . Advanced medical care is the core achievement which improves
people
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's
lives
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. To put it plainly,
due to
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 the enhancement of technology, scientists invent new cures and discoveries which can protect individuals against some diseases or illnesses.
As a result
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, the
lives
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 of humans will be improved drastically.
For instance
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, thanks to scientists finding out new vaccines, which prevented humans from being caught covid-19. Another successful goal in developing human life is the advancement of communication. To put it simply, the existence of the
internet
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Internet
show examples
 allows
people
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 to communicate with others no matter where they are.
For example
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,
people
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 in one country can send a message or an email to another
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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 in another country just by a few clicks on the mobile phone or on the laptop.
This
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 activity would be impossible if the internet didn't exist in the world. In conclusion, by providing advanced medical care and the convenience of communication, science completely enhances human
lives
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 significantly.

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task achievement
To improve the essay, consider expanding on the points with more detailed examples and elaboration on how science affects other aspects of life beyond medical care and communication. This can make your argument even more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more and use a wider range of vocabulary. This will make your essay more engaging and dynamic.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting a well-structured argument.
supported main points
The points discussed are relevant and are supported by specific examples, which strengthen your position. For instance, the mention of COVID-19 vaccines as a scientific achievement that improved lives is highly relevant.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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