Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both home and school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #tv #home #school

In modern society,

due to

the development of technology, the time that

children

spend watching

has increased. Some people may have claimed that there are more advantages to learning by watching

However

, I personally disagree with

this

statement because many

contents are less likely to be educational.

To begin

with,

children

cannot study effectively by watching

, even if it is an educational program. I understand that learning by just watching

is much easier than studying with books, but I think

children

can be susceptible to watching other entertaining programs which are not educational.

Thus

this

has distracted

children

from concentrating on their studies. In Korea,

for instance

, we have an education channel called EBS, normally

children

can learn various knowledge

such

as science and language from that channel, at both

home

and

school

However

, there is

also

entertaining content, and thereby

children

lose their interest in learning.

Hence

, I think it is more likely to disturb

children

's learning.

Additionally

, there are some reasons that

children

should not be encouraged to watch

to learn something. If they had habits of watching

since they were young, they might have difficulties in studying in adolescence. What I mean is that

children

who used to learn knowledge by watching

, regardless of

home

school

, will be affected negatively by their academic performance because they are not familiar with studying with books.

Also

, it is easy to forget knowledge only by learning visually.

Therefore

, I believe

children

should encouraged to have academic circumstances from

home

and

school

instead

of watching

. In conclusion, I think

children

cannot learn productively by watching

because it will loosen their concentration and cannot teach them how to apply their information which is an important factor in learning. In

this

sense,

children

should not be encouraged to watch

both

home

Change preposition

at home

show examples

and

school

for their bright future.

Submitted by kchengii on Sun May 12 2024

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coherence cohesion

You’ve provided a clear stance on the topic and developed your argument cohesively across the essay. However, expanding your range of structures and linking devices could further enhance clarity and flow.

task achievement

Including a wider variety of specific examples and evidences would deepen the argument’s impact and make your viewpoint more persuasive.

task achievement

Your essay clearly introduces your opinion, maintains it throughout, and concludes on the same note, demonstrating a solid structure and task response.

coherence cohesion

You effectively made use of paragraphs to organize your main points, aiding in the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

316 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

source of distraction
educational content
entertainment shows
advertisements
inappropriate content
hinders learning
interactive learning opportunities
traditional classroom settings
one-way medium
individual learning needs
prolonged screen time
negative health effects
eye strain
poor posture
lack of physical activity
overall development
critical thinking
problem-solving skills
interactive, hands-on activities
passive television watching
participatory forms of learning
group projects
experiments
real-world problem solving
cognitive abilities
social skills

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Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both home and school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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