IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that money makes life easier and more comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more trouble. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

It is an irrefutable fact that
money
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 brings happiness and peace in life.
While
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 some
people
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 opine that
money
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 plays a crucial role in our lives, others argue that it has negative impacts and causes problems. I side with the first viewpoint and believe that the merits far outweigh the demerits.
To begin
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 with,
money
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 is a problem solver in many aspects of life to a great extent. With a large amount of
money
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, we can buy everything we need, support others, participate in classes, and do business, without any worries about our savings.
In other words
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,
people
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 can have their own ideal life,
such
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 as living in a mansion or driving the latest model of a car.
In addition
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,
money
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 not only helps make a decent living, but
also
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 leads to less stress. To illustrate, a wealthy person is not worried about his debts or his offspring's future
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 their children fulfil their needs in a matter of hours or days , unlike ordinary
people
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.
However
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, some problems are not solvable,
such
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 as chronic diseases or some feuds between two
people
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.
On the other hand
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, a great deal of
money
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 can come with drawbacks for individuals. If a person has a lot of
money
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,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can indulge in many entertainments that are not suitable.
For example
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, in developed countries like the USA, well-off
people
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 gamble underground and lose plenty of cash , which is risky and unethical.
Moreover
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,
this
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 amount of
money
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 can develop many negative traits in
people
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 in the long run,
such
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 as pride, laziness, and bad behaviour towards others.
To conclude
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, the positive aspects of having excessive
money
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 are more considerable than the negatives, owing to the reasons that I discussed above.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas and paragraphs to help the reader understand your argument better.
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Try to include more specific examples to support your ideas, making them more relatable to the reader.
task achievement
Ensure that each point you make is clearly explained and related to the overall argument of the essay.
task achievement
You have a clear position in your essay, which is important for the task.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your views on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Quality of life
  • Social isolation
  • Philanthropy
  • Wealth management
  • Material possessions
  • Economic stability
  • Opportunities
  • Excessive wealth
  • Exploitative relationships
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