IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Prison is an effective punishment for when break the low” To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Putting people behind bars is a common method used by governments to punish those who commit crimes.
While
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 some believe that jail is the most effective way to deal with lawbreakers, others argue that it is not always the best solution There are certain crimes for which
jail
Fix capitalization
Jail
show examples
 is clearly the appropriate response.
For instance
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, people who commit violent acts
such
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 as murder, assault, or terrorism pose a serious threat to public safety. Isolating
such
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 individuals ensures they cannot harm others and
also
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 sends a strong message that
such
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 behaviour will not be tolerated.
Moreover
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, the possibility of going to jail may act as a deterrent for some people who might
otherwise
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 consider committing serious crimes.
However
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, prison is not always effective, especially when it comes to minor offences
such
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 as theft or vandalism. Many first-time offenders are placed in the same environment as hardened criminals, which can lead to negative influences and an increased chance of reoffending after release.
In addition
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, prison systems in many countries suffer from overcrowding and a lack of rehabilitation programs. For these reasons, alternative punishments
such
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 as community service, fines, or counselling may be more appropriate in certain cases, as they focus on reform rather than just punishment In conclusion,
although
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 prison plays an important role in dealing with serious crime, it is not a one-size-fits-all solution. A more balanced approach that includes alternative forms of punishment can be more effective in reducing crime and helping offenders become responsible members of society.

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improvement
In the intro, say your main view clearly in one line.
improvement
Make one idea per paragraph and show how each paragraph links to the next.
improvement
Add one or two strong facts or notes to back each main point.
improvement
Check spelling and simple grammar so the read or flow stays easy.
improvement
Finish with a strong last line that restates your view.
advice
For future tasks, be more direct about your view in the ending sentence.
content
You show a fair view and give both sides.
content
You give clear examples for serious crimes.
content
The ending says the plan should mix methods.
structure
The essay has a clear 3-part form: intro, body, end.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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