In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant experience from your own experience. Write at least 250 words.

#countries #childhood #obesity #individuals #governments

Childhood

obesity

is one of the increasing problems in the majority of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

countries. I believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

one of the main reasons behind

Correct pronoun usage

this is

show examples

parents

being lethargic

Change preposition

about

show examples

their

childer's

Correct your spelling

children's

show examples

health

and the other cause for

this

issue is

Correct article usage

the tramendous

show examples

tramendous

Correct your spelling

tremendous

increase in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fast

food

chains.

This

essay will discuss

further

more about the reasons and followed by that it will discuss how

this

can be solved by an individual or a government.

Obesity

is the most common problem for both the

children

and an adult. But when we consider in case of

children

, they will not be aware of the reason why they are fat. When a child

feel

Change the verb form

feels

show examples

insecure about his

apperance

Correct your spelling

appearance

then

his confidence level will be drastically decreased. The first main reason behind the

obesity

of the

children

is their

parents

. As the majority of the

parents

are working,

then

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

are not finding a perfect time to take care of their

children

and their

health

As a result

this

, they wanted their

children

to be happy and wanted to satisfy their needs. Because of

this

Add a comma

this,

show examples

they are providing them whatever they want, despite the fact that they are unhealthy and high in calories. The second main reason behind

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

obesity

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

are

Change the verb form

show examples

their

food

habits like eating fast foods

Change preposition

show examples

a regular basis. Almost all the young

children

are attracted towards the foods

such

as Pizza, Burger, Chips and so on because of their tastes. But the majority of them

are failed

Wrong verb form

fail

show examples

to understand that, those

food

Fix the agreement mistake

foods

show examples

are unhealthy and

increases

Correct subject-verb agreement

increase

show examples

the fat content in their body. Both the government and the

schools

should try to bring

awarness

Correct your spelling

awareness

to their students. The

schools

can have

a mandatory physical activities

Correct the article-noun agreement

mandatory physical activities

a mandatory physical activity

show examples

for the

children

, so that they can be

concious

Correct your spelling

conscious

about their

health

. My school will be the best example

for

Change preposition

show examples

this

scenario. They had organized a sports day program

while

I was pursuing my 8th grade and they had invited a motivational speaker to bring

awarness

Correct your spelling

awareness

to the students about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health

. His speech helped me a lot

Change preposition

show examples

changing my

food

habits,

in addition

to that I had

also

lost

upto

Correct your spelling

up to

20kgs because of his motivation. In conclusion,

obesity

is common among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

parents

should try to bring awareness to their

children

to reduce their weight.

Although

the objective of all the

schools

are

Change the verb form

show examples

to educate them in

acheving

Correct your spelling

achieving

their goal, they should

also

try to educate the

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

about the importance of

food

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

Additionally

, the government can provide some funds to all the

schools

for conducting the

awarness

Correct your spelling

awareness

programs.

Submitted by r.harip3 on Sun May 12 2024

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Language Accuracy

Consider revising minor spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity.

Sentence Variety

Strive for more varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate higher linguistic capability.

Paragraphing

Enhance clarity by separating your ideas into clearer and more distinct paragraphs for each main point.

Content Development

Deepen your analysis by discussing how individual and governmental actions can specifically address childhood obesity. For instance, mention specific policies or initiatives.

Task Response

While discussing solutions, clearly differentiate between what individuals and governments can do, providing specific examples for each.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear overview of the topic and summarizing your main points well.

Task Response

Your essay addresses both parts of the question: reasons for childhood obesity and potential solutions, successfully covering the task requirements.

Use of Examples

You incorporate a personal experience to support your point, which makes your argument more persuasive and relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

429 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant experience from your own experience. Write at least 250 words.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think everyoneshould be a vegetarian because we do not need to eat meat to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some children start school when they are seven years old, while others start at the age of four.what could be the advantages and disadvantages of starting school very early.

Playing computer games only has negative effects on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.