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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
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As a student who is pursuing a degree and working on his startup simultaneously, I disagree with the statement. My preference and answer to the question will be discussed
further
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. I believe in the ideology of 'failing fast' and 'learning quickly', which not only allows young minds to gain necessary practical exposure to the real world but
also
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 allows them to foster creativity. If the students are limited to full-time learning,
then
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 they neither will have the energy nor the time to think about real-world problems and have an outlook on life whilst developing a perspective. A survey suggests that 'younger minds are more creative' which is both scientifically and psychologically true. Children, at a young age, haven't built an orthodox perspective on things.
The young
Correct article usage
Young
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 minds should be given sufficient time to discover themselves and maintain their personal lives by letting them venture around on their own. The only way to grow and climb the ladder is by gaining experience, and the fundamental is to gain as much experience as possible, as soon as possible. The theoretical knowledge is no doubt useful for a youngster's growth but a balance is necessary, which won't be there if full-time education has been made mandatory. I personally am the one to learn and venture around on my own, rather than being relied on
the
Change preposition
by the
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 education system, so a full-time education system for me in my teen years wouldn't have gotten me to where I am right now. In conclusion, everyone has a different style of learning which cannot be structured,
hence
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 keeping a balance between personal life and studies is more efficient.
Submitted by shahjahanrajan on

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task achievement
Ensure your position is clear throughout the essay, and introduce your main argument in the introduction for stronger impact.
task achievement
Incorporate more varied and specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical flow of ideas by using cohesive devices more effectively throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your conclusion further by restating your main arguments and summarizing your standpoint more clearly.
task achievement
You presented a clear personal perspective, which provides a strong voice to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt at structuring your ideas logically, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of a personal example to illustrate your viewpoint, making your argument more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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