IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The table with the percentage of students in six different departments in 2011.

#percentage #students #six #departments
The given table illustrates data on different aspects of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who took six different big time at an Australian University in 2011.
Overall
,
while
 the social skill departments attracted the majority of female students, there were a large number of
junior
Fix the agreement mistake
juniors
show examples
 who preferred learning IT and engineering at university. Specifically, most females were in favour of humanities big time (72%) and the educational sector (68%).
While
 there were slightly more than half of
this
 population studied art and Physics (52% and 56%, respectively), they seemed less appealing to
technological
Add an article
the technological
show examples
 major
league
Fix the agreement mistake
leagues
show examples
such
 as information technology and engineering which accounted for roughly 15%. It is
also
 clear that the proportion of non-native English speakers and overseas
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
show examples
 took the leading position in
system
Correct article usage
the system
show examples
 and technology major league.
In particular
, approximately half of students whose first language was not English enrolled in the IT department, which was followed by discipline (45%) and engineering (42%) big time.
Whereas
 the physics department experienced 38% of the enrolment of
this
 group, humanities and pedagogy attracted nearly 15% of
sophomore
Fix the agreement mistake
sophomores
show examples
. The same pattern can be observed in the percentage of students born in other foreign countries. The physics and IT departments had the highest percentage of enrolment (56%), and engineering held second place with 48%. Other departments were listed in decreasing order as follows: discipline, education, and humanities, with 31%, 23%, and 20% respectively.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main features of the table, providing a solid foundation for your essay.
Coherence
Use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence.
Consistency
Try to maintain consistency in terms usage, such as 'departments' instead of shifting to 'big time', which might confuse the reader.
Conclusion
Incorporate a conclusion that summarizes the key findings from the data, offering a clear endpoint to your analysis.
Supported Points
You have effectively used data from the table to support your main points, showing a good understanding of task achievement.
Structure
Your essay demonstrates a well-organized structure, with clear distinctions between different sections.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: