IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that parents should devote more time to helping their children with schoolwork. Others think that they should allocate more time to playing sports with their kids. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #time #children #schoolwork #sports #kids
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that supporting the
children
Use synonyms
’s
schoolwork
Use synonyms
 by their
parents
Use synonyms
 is more important than others.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that it is more helpful for
parents
Use synonyms
 to spend
time
Use synonyms
 doing activities with their
children
Use synonyms
 because it makes kids feel close to their
parents
Use synonyms
 and grow up in emotional development. On the one hand, when
parents
Use synonyms
 take care of their kids’
schoolwork
Use synonyms
, it helps them to adjust to school life easily and to get better grades on their tests. Specifically,
children
Use synonyms
couldn’t
Verb problem
don’t
show examples
 know how to start their homework or don’t want to study regularly. During
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
 check out their homework and
encourage
Wrong verb form
are encouraged
show examples
 to make their own routines every day.
As a result
Linking Words
, their
children
Use synonyms
 can have an achievement of their studies and tests and enjoy their school
time
Use synonyms
 positively.
For example
Linking Words
, a documentary that I watched before has shown that a child who was taken after by
parents
Use synonyms
 showed better scores and adaption than a child who wasn’t cared about by
parents
Use synonyms
 in the part of their
schoolwork
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 allocate their
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
 to playing sports, it is evident that the
children
Use synonyms
 can build up good relationships and develop emotionally. Activities with
parents
Use synonyms
 offer the
time
Use synonyms
 for them to communicate and contact physically. Eventually, it creates a close feeling for each other and gives confidence and socializing as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I was a high school student, I often went swimming with my mom. During
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
, I could tell my mom about my concerns and depend on her. It had me keep it up and has had a good effect emotionally until now.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 it is apparent that helping with
schoolwork
Use synonyms
 is
one way
Add a hyphen
one-way
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 can support their
children
Use synonyms
, it is undeniable that playing sports together is more important.
Submitted by a46615883 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure the introduction briefly addresses both views and states your opinion clearly to provide a stronger foundation for the essay.
Use of Connective Words
For an even richer essay, incorporate varied connective words to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Vocabulary & Sentence Variety
Consider introducing a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to improve the linguistic variety of your essay.
Balanced Examination
In discussing both views, strive for a balanced examination to thoroughly cover each perspective before stating your opinion.
Clear Argument & Opinion
Your essay provides clear arguments for each view and succinctly expresses your opinion, which is excellent for task response.
Effective Use of Examples
You've used examples effectively to support your points, making your arguments compelling.
Logical Structure
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear division between paragraphs and coherent progression of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: