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Writing Samples
Band 5

The values that we learn from our parents and family have greater influence on our future success than knowledge and skills we learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? agree = most time, raised disagree= friends influence,

#values #parents #influence #future #success #skills #school #time #disagree= #friends
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Many factors affect people's traits;
however
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, there are two main
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 environments that mostly influence humans' personalities which are family and school. In
this
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 report, I will go through both of them and illustrate how each one affects the personality, and
then
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 allow me
to conclude
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 my position.
To begin
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 with, family is encouraging, helpful, beneficial, and effective;
as a consequence
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, many people say that it is the main reason for being successful. For
further
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 explanation, many workers, scientists, players, and businessmen
such
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 as Elon, Bill, Messi, and Newton admit that their achievements are
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
 of their parents', siblings', and relatives' encouragement.
Besides
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 that, many people post on social media that they feel motivated when their parents support them;
as a result
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, they become productive, confident, and excited.
Additionally
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, a lot of reports show that the family's motivation is the most important factor
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
, and there is no great person without a great family.
Although
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 the points mentioned above are influencing, there are reverse points that hold equal influence. To illustrate that, schools are influencing, helpful, beneficial, and
motivative
Replace the word
motivating
show examples
.
For example
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, many teachers acknowledge that they do their best so that students use their talents completely and effectively.
Also
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, many institutes provide courses to support gifted learners to be creative, brilliant, and innovative, and learners can not recognize their abilities without their support.
Moreover
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, many learners said that the environment at their homes was not peaceful;
however
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, their teachers helped them to feel relaxed, safe, and restful;
therefore
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, they believe that they could not achieve
such
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 achievements
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 their
preofessors
Correct your spelling
professors
'
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
. In conclusion, even though the family's motivation is important, necessary, and effective, many schools were the most effective factor.
As a result
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, I completely disagree with the statement mentioned above.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to include more detailed examples and clear arguments to fully address the prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a higher coherence and cohesion score, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with better use of linking words and phrases.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively outlines arguments for both viewpoints, providing a balanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
You used a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your position from the beginning and summarizes your argument well at the end.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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