IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Organized tours to remote communities and other countries are increasing popular. Is it a negative or positive development for the local people and environment ?

#tours #communities #countries #development #people #environment
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It is argued that having travelled to remote provinces and nations is reportedly common.
From
Change the preposition
In
show examples
this
 writer's opinion,
this
 tendency could be a negative advance owing to the decrease in job opportunities for residents and environmental degradation. It must be acknowledged that the inexorable development of
tourism
 in remote tourist destinations may influence the living conditions of locals.
That is
 to say, if the increase in
tourism
 happens in isolated places, it means that more and more tourist facilities and attractions will be built and developed.
Therefore
, people are more likely to emigrate from other areas to places with developing
tourism
 in order to gain job opportunities.
As a consequence
,
this
 situation will be able to engender a booming population and the loss of jobs for local residents because they have to seize against immigrants. Environmental pollution is another point worth considering.
In other words
, the development of
tourism
 in isolated areas may lead to a high rate of transportation and tourists, which is prone to air and noise pollution deriving from emissions and entertaining activities.
As a result
, the growth in the tourist industry can trigger habitat destruction and ozone layer depletion leading to global warming and climate change.
Therefore
, it is easy to understand why the expansion of
tourism
 influences the environment of distant regions in a negative way. Clearly,
this
 essay has shown that the popularity of organizing tours in isolated places brings adverse effects
such
 as the loss of occupations and environmental pollution toward local people
as well as
 the environment.
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Task Achievement
It's great that you have a clear position throughout your essay, maintaining a consistent argument against the increase in tourism to remote destinations. However, try to present your opinions with a bit more intricacy, offering both sides of the argument before stating your conclusion to provide a balanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've organized your essay well with clear paragraphs, each beginning with a topic sentence that orientates the reader to the content of the paragraph. To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a broader range of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas more explicitly.
Task Achievement
To further strengthen your arguments, consider incorporating more specific examples and case studies. This could involve stating particular remote communities or countries affected by tourism, which would provide concrete evidence to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have successfully used paragraphs to organize your ideas systematically.
Task Achievement
Your response is complete and addresses the task directly, with a clear expression of your view.
Language
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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