IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #enrol #university #situation
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It is a
well established
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well-established
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fact
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 that there are
people
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 in some countries that prefer to go to work straight after school,
instead
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 of going to
university
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. I personally
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that going to training
that is
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 related to the field that they want to work
is
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in is
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 way better than attending
university
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. There are two principal reasons for
this
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. One point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the
fact
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 that when
people
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 go to work-based training they can learn way more about the job
Change preposition
to that
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 they are going to dedicate their
life
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lives
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.
Therefore
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, they will be aware of obstacles that they will face in
their
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the
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 future.
Also
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,
due to
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 the
fact
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 that young
people
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 will be aware of
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 of their profession, it would be easier for them to grow in their job. Adding
further
Linking Words
 credibility to the statement brings to an idea of the
fact
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 that during the training they will meet
people
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that
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 going to do the same or at least
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 kind of job that they are going to do in the future, and
this
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 means that during the
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
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 young
people
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 are able to make a great network. And
this
Linking Words
 will help them in their future professional life a lot, too. Turning to the other side of the argument
university
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 helps young
people
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 a lot, too because there they can meet new
people
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 and
therefore
Linking Words
, widen their outlook.
Also
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, I would like to mention that universities usually
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 young
people
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 to learn how to communicate with
people
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 with different personalities. And
this
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 skill is quite important for every individual, from my point of view. In conclusion, by taking into account all the above-mentioned factors, I once again reaffirm my position that work-based trainings have way more advantages than
university
Use synonyms
 studies.
Submitted by Ayan on

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task achievement
Expand on your examples to directly illustrate how work-based training benefits are substantial compared to university education. Providing specific instances or data can strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Integrate a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to enhance the flow and cohesion between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Consider balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages more evenly to fully address the prompt's expectations.
task achievement
Well-articulated stance on the preference for work-based training over university education, providing a clear thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is commendable, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs focusing on distinct points, and a well-rounded conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support your main points, enhancing the essay's persuasiveness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
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