IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

3. Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do advantages of this trend outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Model Answer:

#people #children #life #trend #model
Today, it is not unusual for individuals to have babies at a later age. There are various reasons for
this
 situation. In my opinion, the benefits of brewing kids in older years far outweigh the drawbacks. The main reason that
people
 choose to delay giving birth to a child is that the living cost increases dramatically, which induces
people
 to have to spend more
time
 in their early period to earn enough money.
For example
, the expenditure of infants' milk powder takes a large proportion of the family's consumption, which is even seeing an upward trend in the future.
Therefore
, adults are inclined to seek promotion in their work payment or strengthen their own business
first,
resulting in postponing procreating fetuses. Another cause is that the status of women has improved, making a majority of young ladies decide to realize their achievements by conducting successful work rather than being a housewife.
As a result
, women's willingness to bring up a baby in an early life stage is decreased. I believe that the positive aspects of having children at a later
time
 overtake the flaws.
Firstly
, individuals can become more responsible parents, because
people
 gain more
time
 to absorb the knowledge of how to educate offspring.
Therefore
, kids' growing situation is better than those whose parents raise babies without knowing any caring information. Meanwhile, the pressure on adults to take care of kids will decrease, by reason of the steady income from work and more disposable days.
For example
,
people
 are likely reach to the management layer in their middle age, which means their income is higher,
along with
 more flexible
time
. Based on that, the pressure for them to raise children is slighter.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a strong logical structure and adequately introduces and concludes your topic. To further improve cohesion, consider enhancing the connection between paragraphs with more varied transitional phrases.
Task Achievement
You've done well in responding completely to the task, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples. To elevate your score further, aim for even more precise and diverse examples that directly support your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively discusses the reasons for the trend of having children later in life, presenting a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have successfully introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear stance that enhances readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your arguments are well-supported and structured, making your essay easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritize
  • career advancement
  • financial and professional stability
  • upbringing
  • societal norms
  • family planning
  • medical science
  • viability
  • complexities of parenthood
  • financially stable
  • emotionally mature
  • nurturing environment
  • health risks
  • late pregnancy
  • demands of parenting
  • balancing
  • quality of family life
What to do next:
Look at other essays: