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Writing Samples
Band 7

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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It was considerably common for
students
Use synonyms
 to study in their home state when they pursued a degree in tertiary
education
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 these days, they receive more chances to perform overseas study, which is able to broaden their horizons.
However
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,
students
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 tend to face
with
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apply
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more hindrances
while
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 living abroad. On the one side, having a third-level
education
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 overseas results in several benefits for the
students
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. The experiences gained from
this
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 opportunity appear to be significant for
students
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. It is because they are required to exit their comfort zone by immersing themselves in the local culture, which seems to enrich their knowledge.
For instance
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, people who decide to continue their
education
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 in Japan are being forced to learn the Japanese language and the culture of Japanese society;
thus
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, they have unlocked a new language ability.
Furthermore
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, studying abroad could be a proper way to expand
students
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’ connections. Strong connection with other people usually brings benefits in the future, especially when they graduate from the university and start looking for employment.
Additionally
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, in some cases, the employment rate of individuals who graduated from foreign universities tends to be higher than that of local graduates;
for example
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, some companies in Indonesia prefer to hire someone who has studied abroad.
However
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, the advantages come with some drawbacks, especially to the
students
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 themselves.
To begin
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 with, most
students
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 live with their parents from elementary until secondary
education
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, and when they decide to study outside of their countries, they need to move out and live by themselves.
This
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 condition appears to be overwhelming for some
students
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 because they will surely experience homesickness and stress. If
this
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 happened, they would not be able to focus on their
education
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, and the worst case would be failing to satisfy the minimum grades to graduate.
For example
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, research claims that mental conditions play a fundamental role in
students
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’ lives, and stress is the number one factor in their failure.
Secondly
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, studying overseas may require a significant amount of money, ranging from tuition fees to living costs. It appears to be a burden to their family and to the
students
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 themselves. In various cases, many families apply for loans to fund the university’s fees. In conclusion,
while
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 studying abroad provides new experiences and opportunities for
students
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, the stress and cost can be a considerable drawback.

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Task Achievement
To further enhance your essay, consider adding even more detailed examples to support your arguments, making them as specific and as relatable as possible to the discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
In your introduction, you could briefly outline the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss, to provide readers with a clear roadmap of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Making use of a wider range of linking words can help improve the flow of your essay, making your arguments even more seamless.
Logical Structure
You've done an excellent job of structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Supported Main Points
Each paragraph focuses on a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples, which enhances the coherence of your essay.
Complete Response
Your response directly addresses the prompt, providing a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages, which demonstrates strong task achievement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural awareness
  • adaptability
  • academic opportunities
  • specialized programs
  • prestigious courses
  • language proficiency
  • professional network
  • globalized job market
  • personal development
  • independence
  • life skills
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