Children are now less active in their free time that in the past. Therefore, sports lesson must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, teenagers are becoming lazier and do less exercise than people many decades ago.
Therefore
, there is a need to add more mandatory sports
lessons in schools for students. In this
essay, I will present reasons for not being persuaded by this
statement.
On the one hand, adding and turning physical classes to be more compulsory could lead to counterproductive. When offspring play sports
with the psychology of being forced to belong, they lose their enthusiasm and dynamism with sports
. Instead
, teenagers should be allowed to choose whether to play sports
or not. In addition
, physical classes might waste valuable lessons. For instance
, most publics are always busy with their homework and projects. Especially, with senior students who have to face important entrance exams. Therefore
, educational institutions should provide more useful classes or programs involving subjects like Math, English, physics, or Chemistry.
On the other hand
, athletic pastimes have some benefits. Admittedly, physical activities improve offspring's mental well-being. After stressful class hours, children can have a rest time or relaxation by playing outdoor activities. This
not only helps develop physical health but also
mental health. Moreover
, playing sports
can be a great chance to help discipline and work with others as a team. Take basketball or soccer, for example
, team members have to coordinate smoothly in dribbling and passing the ball. Besides
, they also
learn to believe in their teammates and respect them.
In conclusion, I'm afraid I have to disagree with the opinion that forcing the public to participate in sports
lessons. Rather, it is to let children decide for themselves what they will do.Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on
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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the prompt and covered both sides of the argument. However, your position could be stated more clearly and early on in the essay. Try to indicate your stance clearly in the introduction, so readers know your viewpoint from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is generally sound, but some points could be better organized. For example, you could combine related ideas into single paragraphs to make your arguments more cohesive. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to your thesis.
task achievement
While your essay contains several clear ideas, some of your arguments need more specificity and support. For example, you mention that forced sports can lead to reduced enthusiasm, but you don't provide concrete evidence or examples to strongly back this claim. Adding more detailed examples and evidence can make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the overall flow of your essay. Using linking words and phrases can help make your writing more cohesive. For example, instead of just listing the benefits of sports, you could show how these benefits provide a counterargument to the previous section, which could strengthen your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a framework for your essay. This structure helps the reader to understand the main points and your overall position on the topic.
task achievement
You have included relevant points about both the positive and negative aspects of compulsory sports in schools. Addressing both sides of the argument adds depth to your essay and demonstrates critical thinking.
task achievement
You make an effort to provide specific examples, such as mentioning team sports like basketball and soccer, to support your points. This helps to illustrate your arguments and make them more concrete.
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