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Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are tought to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #tought #co-operate #adults
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Some people think
sense
Add an article
the sense
a sense
show examples
 of
competition
 in
children
 should be encouraged. But others believe that
children
 compete
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
show examples
 more useful adults. Co-operate rather than collaborate with
children
 very
intellegent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
 adults. Some people think it should instill a sense of
competition
 in
children
 and competitive
children
 are quick to anger each other.
However
, excessive
competition
 can potentially lead to selfish
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, so teachers and parents should monitor
children
's conduct, emphasizing the importance of social collaboration.
For example
,
children
 are quick to anger each other when competing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and are quick to fight against winning losing teams.
Competition
 between competing
children
 can be intense, but the
competition
 is too intense and can have negative effects on the
children
. Other people say that it is necessary to
work
 with
children
 in cooperation.
Children
 who
work
 together
work
 with interest and intelligence and their interest in each other's behavior increases. Cooperation is an indispensable aspect of life, with students benefiting from
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 it since their early school years. Sharing knowledge and resources with classmates, as I did by exchanging notes and guides with friends, can enhance
overall
 academic performance.
For example
, a child who works cooperatively can think quickly. In conclusion,
children
 should not
work
 in
competition
, they should
work
 together in cooperation.
Children
 who
work
 competitively become irritable, but
children
 who
work
 cooperatively are very helpful and intelligent
children
.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Introduce clear and distinct introductory and concluding paragraphs to improve structure.
Supporting Details
Ensure main points are well-supported with specific examples or explanations for greater clarity.
Sentence Variety
Avoid repetition and aim for variety in sentence structures to enhance readability.
Opinion Clarity
Clarify the opinion by directly addressing the essay prompt in the introduction and conclusion.
Grammar
Check for and correct grammatical errors to improve the overall quality of writing.
Paragraphing
Use paragraphs to separate different ideas clearly, improving the logical flow of the essay.
Addresses Prompt
Addresses both views on competition and cooperation among children.
Use of Examples
Attempts to provide examples to support points, albeit not fully developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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