Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are tought to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think
sense
Add an article
the sense
a sense
show examples
of
competition
in
children
should be encouraged. But others believe that
children
compete
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
show examples
more useful adults. Co-operate rather than collaborate with
children
very
intellegent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
adults. Some people think it should instill a sense of
competition
in
children
and competitive
children
are quick to anger each other.
However
, excessive
competition
can potentially lead to selfish
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, so teachers and parents should monitor
children
's conduct, emphasizing the importance of social collaboration.
For example
,
children
are quick to anger each other when competing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and are quick to fight against winning losing teams.
Competition
between competing
children
can be intense, but the
competition
is too intense and can have negative effects on the
children
. Other people say that it is necessary to
work
with
children
in cooperation.
Children
who
work
together
work
with interest and intelligence and their interest in each other's behavior increases. Cooperation is an indispensable aspect of life, with students benefiting from
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
it since their early school years. Sharing knowledge and resources with classmates, as I did by exchanging notes and guides with friends, can enhance
overall
academic performance.
For example
, a child who works cooperatively can think quickly. In conclusion,
children
should not
work
in
competition
, they should
work
together in cooperation.
Children
who
work
competitively become irritable, but
children
who
work
cooperatively are very helpful and intelligent
children
.
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Introduction/Conclusion
Introduce clear and distinct introductory and concluding paragraphs to improve structure.
Supporting Details
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Sentence Variety
Avoid repetition and aim for variety in sentence structures to enhance readability.
Opinion Clarity
Clarify the opinion by directly addressing the essay prompt in the introduction and conclusion.
Grammar
Check for and correct grammatical errors to improve the overall quality of writing.
Paragraphing
Use paragraphs to separate different ideas clearly, improving the logical flow of the essay.
Addresses Prompt
Addresses both views on competition and cooperation among children.
Use of Examples
Attempts to provide examples to support points, albeit not fully developed.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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