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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children should continue schooling until 18 years of age, while others suggest that schooling till 14 years of age is enough. Discuss both views and present your opinion.

#people #children #years #age
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Some argue that extending the
school
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age
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 up to 18
years
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 old is better but some suggest that it is acceptable to stop formal schooling after 14
years
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 of
age
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.
Although
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 some
children
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 can benefit from informal learning after middle
school
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, I believe that they need to graduate high
school
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 to secure better jobs in the future. Many argue that there is a lot to learn after the
age
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 of 14
years
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 old from the streets on how to survive the harsh world.
Children
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 could gain many skills from working at a young
age
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, dealing with a variety of people, managing their own money and making their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 on how to spend them.
For example
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, some people have a family business and they could teach their
children
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 technical issues related to business, making purchases, doing ledgers and making deals with people, and by the
age
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 of eighteen, they would already have 4
years
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 of work experience which is a significant value compares to most teenagers their
age
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.
However
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, I still think that
children
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 at the
age
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 of 14
years
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 old gain more by staying in
school
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 with their friends.
On the other hand
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, some believe that schoolchildren should continue schooling until 18
years
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 old, learn formal curricula, graduate and later they can decide on their pathways onwards. Students need to complete high
school
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 before they can enrol in universities or colleges if they decide to embark on the corporate world.
For instance
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, they need to enrol in universities if they want to pursue careers in law, medicine, education, architecture and so forth because these jobs require specific qualifications, not just experience. In conclusion,
while
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 some
children
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 could learn how to do business at the early
age
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 of fourteen without continuing schooling, many others benefit more from completing high
school
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 which gives them more options in their future careers.
Submitted by shaz.777 on

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sentence structure
Try to add more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your argument.
detailed examples
To make your argument even stronger, considering adding more detailed examples to support your points. Specific real-world examples can provide a solid foundation for your arguments.
transitions
Ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow. Using linking words effectively can guide readers through your discussion with greater clarity.
balanced discussion
You have done an excellent job in presenting both views before stating your own opinion, which is key in addressing the task fully.
introduction & conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a clear framework for your essay, which is an excellent trait for coherence and cohesion.
supported main points
The main points are supported and relevant to the discussion, enhancing the overall clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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