Some people believe that children should continue schooling until 18 years of age, while others suggest that schooling till 14 years of age is enough. Discuss both views and present your opinion.
Some argue that extending the
school
age
up to 18 years
old is better but some suggest that it is acceptable to stop formal schooling after 14 years
of age
. Although
some children
can benefit from informal learning after middle school
, I believe that they need to graduate high school
to secure better jobs in the future.
Many argue that there is a lot to learn after the age
of 14 years
old from the streets on how to survive the harsh world. Children
could gain many skills from working at a young age
, dealing with a variety of people, managing their own money and making their own decision
on how to spend them. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
For example
, some people have a family business and they could teach their children
technical issues related to business, making purchases, doing ledgers and making deals with people, and by the age
of eighteen, they would already have 4 years
of work experience which is a significant value compares to most teenagers their age
. However
, I still think that children
at the age
of 14 years
old gain more by staying in school
with their friends.
On the other hand
, some believe that schoolchildren should continue schooling until 18 years
old, learn formal curricula, graduate and later they can decide on their pathways onwards. Students need to complete high school
before they can enrol in universities or colleges if they decide to embark on the corporate world. For instance
, they need to enrol in universities if they want to pursue careers in law, medicine, education, architecture and so forth because these jobs require specific qualifications, not just experience.
In conclusion, while
some children
could learn how to do business at the early age
of fourteen without continuing schooling, many others benefit more from completing high school
which gives them more options in their future careers.Submitted by shaz.777 on
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sentence structure
Try to add more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your argument.
detailed examples
To make your argument even stronger, considering adding more detailed examples to support your points. Specific real-world examples can provide a solid foundation for your arguments.
transitions
Ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow. Using linking words effectively can guide readers through your discussion with greater clarity.
balanced discussion
You have done an excellent job in presenting both views before stating your own opinion, which is key in addressing the task fully.
introduction & conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a clear framework for your essay, which is an excellent trait for coherence and cohesion.
supported main points
The main points are supported and relevant to the discussion, enhancing the overall clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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