Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country. Others think that they should live in a separate minority group with different lifestyle. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, there are some
trend
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trends
show examples
that a great number of
people
live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad. Some
peole
Correct your spelling
people
believe that
people
should adopt
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
culture
in
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
contry
Correct your spelling
country
,
while
others
would suggest that they should live in a separate group with
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
lifestyle.
This
essay will discuss
this
issue from both perspectives and I agree with the former view that we have to consider
others
culture
. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that foreigners should live separately with their own
culture
.
Firstly
, some countries have specific
cultures
such
as certain religions, traditions and diets. In fact, it might bring sensible influences on
people
who are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local.
For instance
, in
aspect
Add an article
the aspect
an aspect
show examples
of religion, they have to
stict
Correct your spelling
stick
to their religious
costums
Correct your spelling
customs
costumes
or diet and it might
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
a conflict between
foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
show examples
and natives.
Hence
it would be better
live
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to live
show examples
in a different part
in
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of
show examples
country
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the country
show examples
for each
others
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other
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
others
are of the opinion that
people
should accept
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
culture
.
To begin
with, societies
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
changed to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
globalization
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. In general,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more and more
peole
Correct your spelling
people
are moving to other countries and it
lead
Wrong verb form
has led
show examples
to
mix
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mixed
show examples
culutral lifestlyle
Correct your spelling
cultural lifestyles
in
whole
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the whole
show examples
world. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
an unfamiliar
culture
, locals can learn a variety of
lesson
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lessons
show examples
from the exotic
cultures
.
Accroding
Correct your spelling
According
to recent research, in South Korea, there are around 30%
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
who are from other countries in
elementry
Correct your spelling
elementary
schools, and students are studying diverse
cultures
from each other. If they learn new
custom
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customs
show examples
, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
comprehend easily
difference
Correct article usage
the difference
show examples
.
Therefore
,
people
should
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
to other
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue.
Although
people
can feel
awakward
Correct your spelling
awkward
from new
cultures
, I believe we must accept another
culture
from
foriegners
Correct your spelling
foreigners
.
This
is because
mix
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mixed
show examples
cultures
will make the world's life better than
the
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in the
show examples
past.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

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sentence structure
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and flow. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed which can hinder understanding.
spelling and typographical errors
Be mindful of typographical and spelling mistakes such as 'peole' instead of 'people', 'contry' instead of 'country', and 'accroding' instead of 'according'. These errors can distract from the overall quality of your writing.
grammar
Work on using appropriate prepositions and articles throughout your essay. Misuse can sometimes make your sentences confusing or unclear.
argument depth
To strengthen your argument, provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.
organization
You have organized your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion summarizing your opinion. Well done!
task response
Your essay addresses the prompt fully, discussing both sides of the argument and clearly stating your opinion. This is essential for a high score in task achievement.
use of examples
You've successfully included an example regarding South Korea, which demonstrates an ability to use relevant examples to support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • assimilate
  • social cohesion
  • integration
  • navigating the job market
  • cultural preservation
  • sense of belonging
  • heritage
  • multiculturalism
  • cultural landscape
  • support network
  • transition
  • multicultural society
  • mutual respect
  • cultural identity
What to do next:
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