Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country. Others think that they should live in a separate minority group with different lifestyle. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, there are some
trend
that a great number of Fix the agreement mistake
trends
people
live in
abroad. Some Change preposition
apply
peole
believe that Correct your spelling
people
people
should adopt new
Add an article
a new
culture
in other
Correct quantifier usage
another
contry
, Correct your spelling
country
while
others
would suggest that they should live in a separate group with different
lifestyle. Add an article
a different
This
essay will discuss this
issue from both perspectives and I agree with the former view that we have to consider others
culture
.
On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that foreigners should live separately with their own culture
. Firstly
, some countries have specific cultures
such
as certain religions, traditions and diets. In fact, it might bring sensible influences on people
who are a
local. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, in aspect
of religion, they have to Add an article
the aspect
an aspect
stict
to their religious Correct your spelling
stick
costums
or diet and it might Correct your spelling
customs
costumes
make
a conflict between Verb problem
create
foreigner
and natives. Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
Hence
it would be better live
in a different part Fix the infinitive
to live
in
Change preposition
of
country
for each Add an article
the country
others
.
Change to a singular noun
other
On the other hand
, others
are of the opinion that people
should accept new
Correct article usage
a new
culture
. To begin
with, societies are
changed to Verb problem
have
a
globalization Remove the article
apply
in
these days. In general, Change preposition
apply
the
more and more Correct article usage
apply
peole
are moving to other countries and it Correct your spelling
people
lead
to Wrong verb form
has led
mix
Replace the word
mixed
culutral lifestlyle
in Correct your spelling
cultural lifestyles
whole
world. Despite Change the article
the whole
of
an unfamiliar Change preposition
apply
culture
, locals can learn a variety of lesson
from the exotic Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
cultures
. Accroding
to recent research, in South Korea, there are around 30% Correct your spelling
According
children
who are from other countries in Change preposition
of children
elementry
schools, and students are studying diverse Correct your spelling
elementary
cultures
from each other. If they learn new custom
, they Fix the agreement mistake
customs
would
comprehend easily Wrong verb form
will
difference
. Correct article usage
the difference
Therefore
, people
should adopt
to other Correct your spelling
adapt
culture
.
In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue. Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
Although
people
can feel awakward
from new Correct your spelling
awkward
cultures
, I believe we must accept another culture
from foriegners
. Correct your spelling
foreigners
This
is because mix
Replace the word
mixed
cultures
will make the world's life better than the
past.Change preposition
in the
Submitted by kimjy3329 on
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sentence structure
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and flow. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed which can hinder understanding.
spelling and typographical errors
Be mindful of typographical and spelling mistakes such as 'peole' instead of 'people', 'contry' instead of 'country', and 'accroding' instead of 'according'. These errors can distract from the overall quality of your writing.
grammar
Work on using appropriate prepositions and articles throughout your essay. Misuse can sometimes make your sentences confusing or unclear.
argument depth
To strengthen your argument, provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.
organization
You have organized your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion summarizing your opinion. Well done!
task response
Your essay addresses the prompt fully, discussing both sides of the argument and clearly stating your opinion. This is essential for a high score in task achievement.
use of examples
You've successfully included an example regarding South Korea, which demonstrates an ability to use relevant examples to support your points.