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Writing Samples
Band 4

The maps below show the changes of a school from 1985 to present time.

The maps below show the changes of a school from 1985 to present time.
The illustration of an unidentified school
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 changes from 1985 to
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that there were some minor and major changes
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the buildings,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
area
Use synonyms
 of the entrance and exit, office, car park, and playing
fiels
Correct your spelling
fields
field
 remained the same until
todays
Correct your spelling
today
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that the greater the population size, the larger the expansion of the facilities provided
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the school.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1985
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a school population of 1,500 students contained only essential and small-size buildings. A y-shaped
like
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
path
was surrounding
Wrong verb form
surrounded
show examples
 the rectangular car park
area
Use synonyms
. The leg of it
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to
a playing fields
Correct the article-noun agreement
a playing field
playing fields
show examples
 was the largest
area
Use synonyms
 and
at the end
Linking Words
 of
plan
Add an article
the plan
show examples
. there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 car park and
classrooms
Fix the agreement mistake
classroom
show examples
 building to the left of the pathway
as well as
Linking Words
 another 2
storeys
Fix the agreement mistake
storey
show examples
 building for classrooms. On the left side, there are
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
show examples
 and
library
Correct article usage
a library
show examples
 situated at the corner.
Hence
Linking Words
, in today's plan, with a size of 2,300 students, the library now turned into a learning resource centre which
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 room inside.
one
Capitalize word
One
show examples
 more class were
adding
Wrong verb form
added
show examples
 and the
two storeys
Correct your spelling
two-storey
show examples
 building was built one more storey on top of it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
pool
Correct article usage
a pool
show examples
 and fitness centre were added,
whereas
Linking Words
 the playing
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
area
Use synonyms
 was reduced.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Layout
  • Significance
  • Accessibility
  • Expansion
  • Facilities
  • Trends
  • Priorities
  • Modernized
  • Well-being
  • Sustainability
  • Transportation
  • Innovative
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