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Band 7

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage money. Others argue that it is bette to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #bette #situations
Some
people
 consider that
people
 should receive unpleasant situations to avoid facing frustration,
while
 others believe that individuals have to struggle with difficulties to strive for better lives. In my opinion, I support the view that
people
 are supposed to try their best to change the unsatisfactory conditions. It can be argued by some
people
 that getting used to unexpected things does have several benefits. In the first place, that may decrease the rate of suicide in nowadays life, which number is higher than before. The main reason for
that is
people
 do not need to put any effort into changing, which means they attain less pressure from society.
As a result
, they choose to stay in their comfort zone, living peacefully, which makes them have a low willingness to shut down their lives.
Secondly
, individuals who decide to accept the situation may obtain more flexible time.
For example
, they are not required to pursue promotions in their jobs, so they have no motivation to work overtime.
Consequently
,
people
 will get more time to spend on their interested aspects.
By contrast
, others insist that it is more beneficial for
people
 to be against that situation. First of all,
people
 will have a higher payable income, which enhances their standards of life quality.
For example
,
people
 who put more effort into their work result in a better outcome. In that case,
people
 are easily promoted with more wages which they can use to consume items. Meanwhile, they are
also
 more likely to reach achievements.
This
 is because compared to those who are unwilling to fight for their future, they have more ambition to be successful and spend more energy on their work.
As a result
, the possibility of having success for them is far beyond others. From my point of view, I personally think that
people
, especially young
people
 should not bow their heads to society.
Although
 it may be more comfortable to stay in the existing situation,
people
 should take responsibility for their future and strive for it.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

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Specific Examples
To further improve, expand on the examples provided by illustrating with more real-life situations or statistics to strengthen the argument.
Transitions
To enhance coherence, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using a wider range of linking words can create a more seamless flow of ideas.
Analysis
While your essay addresses both views and provides an opinion, deepening the analysis of each viewpoint could offer a more compelling discussion. Consider exploring the psychological or societal implications of each stance.
Grammar and Accuracy
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and slight inaccuracies in word choice that can detract from the otherwise clear message of the essay. Regular practice and review of advanced grammatical structures can aid in minimizing these errors.
Structure
You've done a great job structuring your essay with a clear introduction, comparative body paragraphs, and a conclusive opinion.
Use of Examples
Your use of examples to support each viewpoint provides a solid foundation for your arguments, making them more convincing.
Personal Opinion
The clear expression of your personal stance in the conclusion effectively rounds off the essay, demonstrating an excellent task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsatisfactory
  • shortage of money
  • peace of mind
  • unnecessary stress
  • resources
  • opportunities
  • emotional resilience
  • stable ground
  • despair
  • fundamental
  • significant changes
  • personal growth
  • increased satisfaction
  • quality of life
  • agency
  • circumstances
  • complacency
  • fulfilling path
  • balancing
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