Some people believe that children should continue schooling until 18 years old while others suggest that schooling till 14 years of age is enough. Discuss both views and present your opinion.
These days, some individuals claim that
students
at schools should study
until 18 years
of age however
others believe that it is adequate to study
up to 14 years
old.
On the one hand, some people argue that students
should learn at school
to get 18 years
old. Schools provide them with several advantages. Firstly
, it gives them more opportunity to grow up with the best knowledge qualification. Secondly
, studying for a long time
at school
prepares them physically and mentally for university
education. For example
, by finishing the year and starting each new year school
will teach different new subjects. As a result
, studying for a long time
will let them have the best quality education.
On the other hand
, some individuals claim that studying for school
students
up to age 14 is enough. They explain that studying more than 14 years
old will be a waste of time
for students
. Therefore
, finishing school
early leads them to start university
early and have more experience. For instance
, when students
finish university
early, they might have time
to do some volunteer work to improve their skills. Consequently
, it is adequate for students
to study
up to age 14 at school
.
To conclude
, by
the beliefs of some populations, pupils should Change preposition
according to
study
at school
until 18 years
old. However
, others don’t agree and the statement they said study
for a long period will waste student’s
Change noun form
students’
time
. I think studying up to 18 years
old will help students
have the best time
management in the future and make them ready for university
education.Submitted by hsmkashi on
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sentence variety
To enhance your writing, consider varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a wide range of language skills. While your essay is logically structured, incorporating complex sentences and a mix of sentence types could further improve coherence.
detailed examples
Although your essay presents clear arguments and examples, integrating more specific, detailed examples could provide stronger support for your points. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or more concrete scenarios.
opinion clarity in introduction
Your opinion is presented at the end of the essay, which is fine, but consider introducing it more clearly in your introduction as well. This approach will enhance the coherence of your essay by aligning the readers' expectations with your conclusion from the beginning.
logical flow
Your essay has a clear structure, with a logical flow from introduction to conclusion, effectively guiding the reader through your arguments.
balanced discussion
You have done well to discuss both views in a balanced manner, offering a fair presentation of each perspective before stating your own position.
effective conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay’s main points and reiterates your personal stance, strengthening the overall coherence and cohesion of your writing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?