Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage money. Others argue that it is bette to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #bette #situations

It is thought by some people that they should accept some bad

situations

such

as an unsatisfactory job or a shortage of

money

while

others believe that it is better to find other ways to address these matters. In the following paragraphs, both viewpoints will be discussed before reaching a conclusion.

To begin

with, it is true that sometimes the population could accept unexpected

situations

Firstly

, working in jobs that they are not interested in sometimes comes with high salaries that cover all of their living.

For instance

, many citizens these days who are not computer buffs still apply to computer-related companies because of their high incomes.

Secondly

, everyone has a bad day

such

as a shortage of

money

Nonetheless

, it is better to just accept it and try to work harder to gain more

money

. It is a fabric of city life, people can just change or adjust their lifestyle in order to tackle

this

matter during their hard times.

Additionally

, it is undeniable that the public does not want to accept those

situations

and find ways to improve their lives. At

first,

there are many jobs outside that offer citizens high salaries and suit their personalities and knowledge.

Besides

, working in what they love

also

helps them to maintain well-being and have good mental health which are significant matters in our lives.

Next,

facing bad

situations

such

as the shortage of

money

also

gives people experience in

money

management. They can learn from their mistakes and become more wary of when they want to spend their

money

on something in the future. All in all,unexpected bad

situations

are common matters in these modern days.

Therefore

, it depends on individual decisions whether they choose to accept or find ways to improve those issues when they encounter them.

Submitted by nnatthinee on Mon May 13 2024

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task achievement

Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This would support your arguments more effectively.

task achievement

Ensure clarity when explaining your reasonings. At times, more detailed explanations could enhance understanding.

coherence cohesion

Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay to improve coherence.

coherence cohesion

Revisit your conclusion to ensure it effectively summarises your main ideas and clearly states your opinion.

task achievement

You've provided a balanced discussion by effectively discussing both views.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each viewpoint, and a conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Good use of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

unsatisfactory
shortage of money
peace of mind
unnecessary stress
resources
opportunities
emotional resilience
stable ground
despair
fundamental
significant changes
personal growth
increased satisfaction
quality of life
agency
circumstances
complacency
fulfilling path
balancing

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