IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage money. Others argue that it is bette to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #bette #situations
It is thought by some people that they should accept some bad
situations
such
 as an unsatisfactory job or a shortage of
money
while
 others believe that it is better to find other ways to address these matters. In the following paragraphs, both viewpoints will be discussed before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, it is true that sometimes the population could accept unexpected
situations
.
Firstly
, working in jobs that they are not interested in sometimes comes with high salaries that cover all of their living.
For instance
, many citizens these days who are not computer buffs still apply to computer-related companies because of their high incomes.
Secondly
, everyone has a bad day
such
 as a shortage of
money
.
Nonetheless
, it is better to just accept it and try to work harder to gain more
money
. It is a fabric of city life, people can just change or adjust their lifestyle in order to tackle
this
 matter during their hard times.
Additionally
, it is undeniable that the public does not want to accept those
situations
 and find ways to improve their lives. At
first,
there are many jobs outside that offer citizens high salaries and suit their personalities and knowledge.
Besides
, working in what they love
also
 helps them to maintain well-being and have good mental health which are significant matters in our lives.
Next,
facing bad
situations
such
 as the shortage of
money
also
 gives people experience in
money
 management. They can learn from their mistakes and become more wary of when they want to spend their
money
 on something in the future. All in all,unexpected bad
situations
 are common matters in these modern days.
Therefore
, it depends on individual decisions whether they choose to accept or find ways to improve those issues when they encounter them.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This would support your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Ensure clarity when explaining your reasonings. At times, more detailed explanations could enhance understanding.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Revisit your conclusion to ensure it effectively summarises your main ideas and clearly states your opinion.
task achievement
You've provided a balanced discussion by effectively discussing both views.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each viewpoint, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Good use of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsatisfactory
  • shortage of money
  • peace of mind
  • unnecessary stress
  • resources
  • opportunities
  • emotional resilience
  • stable ground
  • despair
  • fundamental
  • significant changes
  • personal growth
  • increased satisfaction
  • quality of life
  • agency
  • circumstances
  • complacency
  • fulfilling path
  • balancing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: