The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree.

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Some people believe that the purpose of education is to prepare children and students for the problems that the modern world creates rather than teaching them

art

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and

music

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so that they fully focus on something more useful like information technology. The fact that the

art

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and

music

Use synonyms

are not useful at all is disagreed. Analyzing developed countries care and their education system teaches about it will

further

Linking Words

prove

this

Linking Words

point.

Firstly

Linking Words

art

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and

music

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are as important and vital as science and technology for a

country

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to fully develop and improve.

Moreover

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, it means that a

country

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which does not care about the importance of

art

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and

music

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lost one of their vital veins, metaphorically.

For instance

Linking Words

, the fact that not having any

art

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music

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displays a currently developing

country

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that it is in fact not developed, decreases the reputation of that

country

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Secondly

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art

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

are the most influential crowd-control tools for the government. In that case, they are not going to let go of one of the strongest weapons that they have so as to make a small group of people happy.

For example

Linking Words

, the government may change the opinion of a large majority of society with the help of

art

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and

music

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Therefore

Linking Words

, it is not wise to cut out of curriculum, when it is an effective way to control it. To summarize, the vitality of both

art

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and

music

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is not deniable nor ignorable.

Moreover

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, they can change people's perspectives effectively and create a butterfly effect whose effects start small and get bigger and bigger over the course.

Thus

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, the idea of cutting out the subjects of

art

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and

music

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can not be supported or applied in the near future.

However

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, extending school time may be the solution to teach more subjects

along with

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art

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

Submitted by sonatakcaa on Mon May 13 2024

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Task Achievement

To enhance your task achievement score, ensure that your argument directly addresses the question prompt and presents a clear opinion from the beginning. Including a concise thesis statement would sharpen your position.

Task Achievement

Include more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your main points. This will help in making your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on aligning your paragraphs and ideas more effectively. Ensuring each paragraph has a clear, single focus that ties back to your main argument will improve readability and cohesion.

Coherence and Cohesion

While your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good framework for your essay, refining them to more directly reflect your main arguments and summaries will enhance their impact.

Content

You show an understanding of the importance of art and music in education, making valid arguments for their inclusion.

Structure

The structure of your essay generally follows a clear logical progression, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.

Conclusion

Your conclusion summarizes your stance effectively, reiterating the importance of art and music in a balanced education.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree.

Your opinion

Some people get into debt buying things they don’t need and can’t ‎afford.What are the reasons for this behaviour?What action can be taken ‎to prevent people having this problem?

Your photograph recently won a photography competition and will be shown in an exhibition. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter . describe the photograph you sent to the competition . tell him/her about the exhibition where your photo will be shown . invite him/her to the exhibition

Difference between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays, people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advetisements and TV channels. To what extent do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their subjects, other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for all qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own view.