IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more people want things instantly. Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#people #development
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In today’s digital age, the demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 immediate service,
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food
Correct word choice
and food
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 is rising,
due to
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 the faster pace of life and
living
Correct word choice
higher living
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 expenditure is higher. The writer contends that it is a detrimental development as it leads to many illnesses
such
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 as heart diseases and obesity. It should be acknowledged that the pace of life is faster, so
people
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 will
prior
Correct your spelling
prioritise
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things
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 which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 as quick as possible and convenient.
In other words
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, saving time and effort is their top priority and they may prefer to utilize
instant
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 service
instant
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 services or
food
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.
Furthermore
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, the living expenditure has been rising every period of time and humans tend to earn as much money as they can to afford their
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 and their descendants’ future.
This
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 is the reason why fast
food
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hold
Change the verb form
holds
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 a prominent role in the US economy and there are many well-known junk
food
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 brands in the US
such
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 as
Mc Donald
Correct your spelling
McDonald
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, Jollibee,
KFC
Correct word choice
and KFC
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. To develop the whole advantage of fast
food
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, they even develop and apply drive-through exchanging
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 to enhance its convenience. The author advocates that the advancement of immediate
things
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 brings an adverse effect on human health. What the author means is that as their lifestyles are getting busier,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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they walk faster and every single action is faster and those
things
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 lead to heart diseases.
In addition
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, it can
also
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 cause
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increase rate of
people
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being
Verb problem
becoming
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 obese because of the higher use of fast
food
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 and canned
food
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.
Due to
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 their availability and convenience,
people
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 tend to consume them more frequently
instead
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 of fresh
food
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 and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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.
For example
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, the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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US
people
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 being obese is significant and most of the reasons for obesity are consuming too much junk
food
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 and
instant
Use synonyms
food
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.
Thus
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,
people
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 should carefully consider
about
Change preposition
apply
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developing
instant
Use synonyms
 service and
food
Use synonyms
 because of those negative effects. In conclusion, the faster pace of life and
rising
Add an article
the rising
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 cost of living are the reason
of
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for
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 the tendency
of
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to
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instant
Use synonyms
things
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.
Besides
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, it is
also
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 a detrimental advancement
due to
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 causing more diseases.

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Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures more to add complexity and depth to your essay. This can make your arguments more persuasive and engaging.
Supportive Evidence
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Providing concrete examples can strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
Clarity of Ideas
Be mindful of the clarity of your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your argument progresses logically from one point to the next.
Grammar and Accuracy
Pay attention to your grammar and word choice to avoid errors that may confuse the reader or detract from the overall quality of your essay.
Relevance
Your essay addresses the topic and provides relevant arguments regarding the negative impacts of the demand for instant services and food.
Structure
You have a clear structure in your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Analysis
You make an effort to analyze the reasons behind the trend and its implications, showing depth in your understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • rapid advancement
  • instant communication
  • online shopping
  • fast food delivery
  • social media platforms
  • immediate feedback
  • recognition and validation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • convenience
  • decreased patience
  • delayed gratification
  • realistic expectations
  • work ethic
  • unrealistic expectations
  • stress
  • dissatisfaction
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