Some people think that the increase in the number of obese people should be the responsibility of the government, while others think it should be the responsibility of individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion
In our generation, the growing number of obese
people
has become a crucial problem. There is a debate if governments
should take the
responsibility Correct article usage
apply
regarding
the rising number of Change preposition
for
obesity
or if this
is a problem for individuals to solve. In my opinion, governments
have a huge responsibility to prevent obesity
. In this
essay, I will discuss both views and declare my opinion.
Firstly
, I think the real reason
behind obesity
is processed foods
. For
this
reason
, the more human beings consume these GM foods
, the more they gain weight. For instance
, people
who eat organic fruits and vegetables daily, have lower
risk Add an article
a lower
to become
Change preposition
of becoming
an
obese. Change the article
apply
Moreover
, consuming processed foods
cause
blood sugar fluctuation and Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
people
unable to move enough. Eventually, people
who eat lots of non-organic and unhealthy products will take more calories and feel lazy day by day. In the end
Add a comma
end,
this
will cause obesity
. Regarding this
information, governments
are definitely responsible to prevent
Change preposition
for preventing
obesity
among public
because the first and biggest Add an article
the public
reason
of
Change preposition
for
obesity
is the GM products which
produced by Correct pronoun usage
apply
governments
. Authorities need to move faster for trading
more natural Change preposition
to trade
foods
for people
and encourage them not to buy toxic ones.
On the other hand
, some people
may think that every person is responsible with
their actions, Change preposition
for
however
individuals may have not any chance to choose what to eat. Add a comma
however,
Although
, as a human, we have our own conscious to decide whether we should consume or not, the
society does not provide enough choices for us. Correct article usage
apply
Additionally
, the system pushes people
to buy GM foods
because these are more affordable and also
easy to find in regular markets. For
this
reason
, a lot of people
tend to spend money on chemical food products rather than organic ones. Finally
, people
have
not enough right to choose the better option.
In conclusion, Add a missing verb
do have
governments
are the first responsible to take care of obesity
. After authorities produce healthier foods
, people
will have a chance to achieve those and obesity
will be reduced.Submitted by fyzalkac on
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Language Use
Ensure a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language flexibility and precision.
Example Integration
While discussing both views, try to integrate examples more specifically to illustrate your points clearly.
Conclusion Strengthening
In your conclusion, reinforce your opinion with a succinct summary of the key reasons supporting it to leave a strong final impression.
Balanced Discussion
Consider deepening the analysis of individual responsibility for a more balanced discussion.
Introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and your opinion, providing a good foundation for your essay.
Structure and Clarity
You've shown clear paragraphing and organization of ideas which aids readability and coherence.
Position Clarity
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, which meets the task requirements effectively.