Some people think that the increase in the number of obese people should be the responsibility of the government, while others think it should be the responsibility of individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #responsibility #government #individuals

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In our generation, the growing number of obese

people

has become a crucial problem. There is a debate if

governments

should take

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

responsibility

regarding

Change preposition

for

show examples

the rising number of

obesity

or if

this

is a problem for individuals to solve. In my opinion,

governments

have a huge responsibility to prevent

obesity

. In

this

essay, I will discuss both views and declare my opinion.

Firstly

, I think the real

reason

behind

obesity

is processed

foods

For

this

reason

, the more human beings consume these GM

foods

, the more they gain weight.

For instance

people

who eat organic fruits and vegetables daily, have

lower

Add an article

a lower

show examples

risk

to become

Change preposition

of becoming

show examples

Change the article

apply

show examples

obese.

Moreover

, consuming processed

foods

cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

show examples

blood sugar fluctuation and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

people

unable to move enough. Eventually,

people

who eat lots of non-organic and unhealthy products will take more calories and feel lazy day by day. In the

end

Add a comma

end,

show examples

this

will cause

obesity

. Regarding

this

information,

governments

are definitely responsible

to prevent

Change preposition

for preventing

show examples

obesity

among

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

because the first and biggest

reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

obesity

is the GM products

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

produced by

governments

. Authorities need to move faster

for trading

Change preposition

to trade

show examples

more natural

foods

for

people

and encourage them not to buy toxic ones.

On the other hand

, some

people

may think that every person is responsible

with

Change preposition

for

show examples

their actions,

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

individuals may have not any chance to choose what to eat.

Although

, as a human, we have our own conscious to decide whether we should consume or not,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society does not provide enough choices for us.

Additionally

, the system pushes

people

to buy GM

foods

because these are more affordable and

also

easy to find in regular markets.

For

this

reason

, a lot of

people

tend to spend money on chemical food products rather than organic ones.

Finally

people

have

Add a missing verb

do have

show examples

not enough right to choose the better option. In conclusion,

governments

are the first responsible to take care of

obesity

. After authorities produce healthier

foods

people

will have a chance to achieve those and

obesity

will be reduced.

Submitted by fyzalkac on Mon May 13 2024

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Language Use

Ensure a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language flexibility and precision.

Example Integration

While discussing both views, try to integrate examples more specifically to illustrate your points clearly.

Conclusion Strengthening

In your conclusion, reinforce your opinion with a succinct summary of the key reasons supporting it to leave a strong final impression.

Balanced Discussion

Consider deepening the analysis of individual responsibility for a more balanced discussion.

Introduction

You effectively introduced the topic and your opinion, providing a good foundation for your essay.

Structure and Clarity

You've shown clear paragraphing and organization of ideas which aids readability and coherence.

Position Clarity

Your essay presents a clear position throughout, which meets the task requirements effectively.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

333 words

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Some people think that the increase in the number of obese people should be the responsibility of the government, while others think it should be the responsibility of individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

in some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more families are choosing fast food over home-cooked meals. What are the reasons for this and how can they be addressed?

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleeo?

In recent years, many governments have brought in laws to ban smoking in public places, such as bars, restaurants and offices. To what extend do you agree or disagree with banning smoking in public places?