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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that private schools have many advantages while others think there have many drawbacks for the community. Discuss both sides and give an opinion

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These days, private
schools
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 are gaining popularity in terms of student choices to study.
While
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 some argue that private
schools
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 are considered to have a lot of benefits impact, others claim that it has a damaging effect on society. It is my belief that the advantages of going to private
schools
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 outweigh its disadvantages for the following reasons. On the one hand, private
schools
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 have been chosen by students mainly because of the curriculum they are offered. Subjects
such
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 as specific musical instruments (e.g. guitar and piano) and theatre are not included in most public
schools
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,
therefore
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 these majors could attract many youngsters to choose private
schools
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 in order to enhance their ability in both academic and non-academic skills.
For example
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, one private school in Indonesia has succeeded in making musician because their primary subject is music.
On the other hand
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, private
schools
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 cost much higher fees rather than public
schools
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.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, private
schools
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 are excluded from receiving money from the government since it has their own curriculum which is mostly international based. To fund those fees, they have to charge more in the registration fee,
hence
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 it could lead people to consider public
schools
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 as
schools
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 that are only for the rich. In conclusion,
i
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I
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 strongly believe that the learning process offered by private
schools
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 can promise a successful career for students in the future.
However
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, parents have to deal with fees demanded by the school in order to obtain the outstanding result of the student.

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Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before expressing your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Vary sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Consider developing your conclusion further by summarizing both sides of the argument more distinctly before stating your final standpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your ideas.
Task Achievement
You've effectively utilized specific examples to support your points, which enriches your argument.
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