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Band 3.5

Some people believe that team sports prepare children for their future careers while others do not agree.

#people #team #sports #children #future #careers
Some individuals think that
sports
 clubs provide opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 to
kids
 but other
people
 do not agree with
this
 idea. I am personally okay with
this
.
To begin
 with
people
’s positive
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
, these places can help
children
 to find their favourites and get new experiences. If team
sports
 become reliable, parents can encourage their
kids
 to set a clear goal and make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 to improve in their favourite field.
For example
, an original
footbal
Correct your spelling
football
 club can guide
children
 to try the different atmospheres of competition and be prepared for important matches. In my opinion, I support
this
 idea because not only
children
 can learn how to explore and find their passion but
also
 they can expand their connections much better than before.
Nevertheless
, other groups of
people
 believe that the existence of
sports
 clubs
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
children
 not to study their
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 and get low
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 in school because
kids
 spend most of their time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
training and playing with their peers and they do not have enough time to do their homework.So, it may
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
interfere with their lesson. In conclusion, there is an argument between
to
Correct your spelling
two
show examples
 different groups of
people
 who agree and disagree with the existence of team
sports
 that can affect
children
’s future careers.Some
people
 think
kids
 can find their career path but other
group
Change the wording
groups
show examples
 disagree with
this
 idea.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

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Task Achievement
Introduce the topic more effectively in your introduction by directly addressing the essay statement and presenting a clear thesis statement outlining your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your arguments, include more detailed examples and evidence to support your points, enabling a deeper exploration of the topic.
Task Achievement
Try to ensure a balanced discussion by dedicating similar lengths and depths of analysis to both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Increase coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas both within and between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review the essay for any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing to enhance clarity and readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of paragraphs to separate different points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Attempted to present both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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