IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the government spend too much money on wildlife protection projects and the money should be used for other things. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, almost any country with
developed
Correct article usage
a developed
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 economy has a reserved place in its budget for foreign
aid
Use synonyms
. There can be many reasons for that. One government has a humanitarian desire to help people living under difficult conditions in poorer countries, another wants to obtain a strong political connection.
However
Linking Words
,
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 effects of helping other countries sometimes can outweigh
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
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 ones.
As
Change preposition
On
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 positive side, foreign
aid
Use synonyms
 can be a crucial boost to an economy which has
a
Remove the article
apply
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great potential but struggles to find resources to realize it. Money from another government can lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
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plenty of new job positions for locals.
For instance
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, China invested lots of economic resources
to
Change preposition
in
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 Africa. To be more precise, several mines were built in African regions,
therefore
Linking Words
, lots of vacancies were created. Many
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
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 define China’s help as a significant part of Africa’s economic growth.
As
Change preposition
On
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 negative side, many governments in
modern
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the modern
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 world are deeply corrupted,
therefore
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, foreign
aid
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 in these countries has a great chance to be spent on political leaders’ needs
instead
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 of economic needs.
Thus
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, there will be no positive impact of
such
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 help.
For instance
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, giving money to a dictatorship can have catastrophic consequences. It not only makes a dictator wealthier but
also
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strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
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 his authority and
making
Wrong verb form
makes
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 him rule the country longer.
To sum up
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, foreign
aid
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 as an action is neither bad nor good.
Decision
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The decision
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of helping
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to help
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 another country must be carefully considered beforehand. If both sides understand under which conditions it is given and obey the rules of spending it, in my opinion,
aid
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 will have only positive effects.

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task response
Ensure your essay directly addresses the prompt given. Your essay discusses foreign aid rather than wildlife protection, which may indicate a misunderstanding of the task requirement.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce your main points more clearly in your introduction to guide your reader through your argument.
task response
Use a conclusion that not only summarizes your main points but also restates your position clearly in relation to the prompt provided.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate varied sentence structures and transitional phrases to enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion with concrete examples, enhancing the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Logical progression of ideas with adequately supported main points,
task achievement
Effective use of examples to support your points boosts the relevancy and specificity of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • moral obligation
  • extinction
  • economic benefits
  • ecosystem services
  • sustainable development
  • environmental preservation
  • long-term ecological and economic costs
  • investments in wildlife protection
  • biodiversity loss
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