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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The topic of renewable energy is widely discussed these days. What are the main reasons behind the increasing use of renewable energy sources, and is this trend a positive or negative development for the environment?

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Introduction
As more
energy
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 resources are slowly being used up, the idea of using renewable
energy
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 sources has been significantly discussed these days. Some argue that it affects our
environment
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 negatively,
while
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 others believe
otherwise
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. In
this
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 essay, I will write about the reasons renewable
energy
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 is used more often today and give my own opinion towards
this
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 phenomenon as well.
Body paragraph 1
One main reason why renewable
energy
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 resources are used more is that they are environmentally friendly and safe for
people
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. Renewable
energy
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 generally does not cause air or water pollution because the
energy
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 is not wasted or thrown away, but reused.
As a result
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, the
environment
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 and oceans are less contaminated, as less
energy
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 is burned.
This
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 makes
people
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 less prone to being diagnosed with lung-related diseases.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, the increasing use of renewable sources is
also
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 because they cost less than nonrenewable ones and are sometimes even free.
For instance
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, wind
energy
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 does not require much money because it is not produced by anyone and cannot be bought.
Consequently
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, using these types of resources makes it easier for everyone to have access to
energy
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.
This
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 is a positive impact because many
people
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,
such
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 as farmers, need
energy
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 to grow crops but cannot afford it, and using renewable
energy
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 will give them the opportunity to have their jobs done more efficiently.
Conclusion
In conclusion, renewable
energy
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 is being implemented more because it is safe for the
environment
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,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 humans, and costs much less than nonrenewable
energy
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that using renewable
energy
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 has an extremely positive effect on the
environment
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 because it is affordable and does not contaminate the ocean and our
environment
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. Given
this
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 situation, more
people
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 should be using
this
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 type of
energy
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.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: why use is going up, and if this is good or bad for the environment. Make your view even clearer in the first part: say that this is a positive change for the environment.
task response
Give more exact support for your main ideas. For example, say that solar and wind power make little or no smoke when they make power, so they can help cut air pollution.
task response
Be careful with the idea that renewable energy is always cheap or free. Wind and sun are free, but the machines, set-up, and repair can cost a lot. Explain this to make the point more true.
task response
The point about farmers is useful, but it needs a more real example. You could say that solar power can run a water pump on a farm far from the main power lines.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between the second main part and the environment more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example: “First,” “Also,” “As a result,” and “For this reason.” Do not use too many links in one short part.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat in the ending, such as being safe, cheap, and not causing pollution. Sum up the key ideas in a shorter way, then give one final view.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each main part has one main idea. The first part is about pollution and health; the second is about cost and access. This is clear, so add one sentence of support before moving to the next part.
task response
You give a clear positive view and stay on the topic throughout the essay.
task response
You use relevant reasons, such as less pollution, better health, lower cost, and wider access to power.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending gives a clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part starts with a clear main point, and words such as “As a result,” “In addition,” and “Consequently” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable
  • depletion
  • carbon emissions
  • fossil fuels
  • solar energy
  • wind power
  • hydroelectric power
  • technological advancements
  • economic growth
  • energy security
  • renewable energy sources
  • environmental impact
  • finite resources
  • investment
  • efficient
  • cost-effective
  • adoption
  • political stability
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