IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns as it increases crime and violence in the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#individuals #guns #increases #crime #violence #society
It is a common belief that
gun
 possession helps
people
 to defend themselves and it is not related to increasing
crime
 and violence.
However
, I firmly believe that allowing
gun
 ownership can definitely grow the
crime
rate
 as it can make
people
 kill others easily and even lead to committing suicide themselves.
To begin
 with, some
people
 say that carrying
guns
 helps women to protect themselves from violent and aggressive men.
Furthermore
, they said if the government allows
gun
 ownership in households, the
crime
rate
 could decrease.
However
, I do not agree with
this
 opinion.
According to
 a recent study, America has a much higher
crime
rate
 than other countries that do not allow individuals to have
gun
 ownership.
Also
, there are so many
gun
 deaths because of abusing
gun
 usage. In my opinion, if the government allows
people
 to have
guns
, it makes individuals kill others easily and
also
 it can lead to committing crimes.
For instance
, the Philippines is the one of countries that do not control
guns
.
Therefore
, there are so many crimes caused
due to
gun
 possession. Recent research shows that many Philippine citizens want to leave for other countries and even foreign tourists avoid visiting the Philippines as they don't feel safe anymore because of
gun
 attacks. For these reasons, the government should not allow
people
 to carry
guns
 in society. Even though they could protect themselves from violent
people
, it will increase
crime
 or suicide
rate
 even much higher than before and the community can be more dangerous.
Submitted by hmhy0326 on

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task achievement
To enhance the essay, ensure to stay focused on the main argument against gun possession throughout the entire essay. Occasionally, there is repetition of points and ideas which can be smoothed out for improved clarity. Aim to provide a more in-depth analysis and consider addressing potential counterarguments in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure the flow of ideas is smooth and logical transitions are in place between paragraphs. Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, consider elaborating on examples a bit more to fully illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
Each main point is supported with reasons and examples, which strengthens the argument and demonstrates good task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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