IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns as it increases crime and violence in the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#individuals #guns #increases #crime #violence #society
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It is a common belief that
gun
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 possession helps
people
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 to defend themselves and it is not related to increasing
crime
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 and violence.
However
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, I firmly believe that allowing
gun
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 ownership can definitely grow the
crime
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rate
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 as it can make
people
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 kill others easily and even lead to committing suicide themselves.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 say that carrying
guns
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 helps women to protect themselves from violent and aggressive men.
Furthermore
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, they said if the government allows
gun
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 ownership in households, the
crime
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rate
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 could decrease.
However
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, I do not agree with
this
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 opinion.
According to
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 a recent study, America has a much higher
crime
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rate
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 than other countries that do not allow individuals to have
gun
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 ownership.
Also
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, there are so many
gun
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 deaths because of abusing
gun
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 usage. In my opinion, if the government allows
people
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 to have
guns
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, it makes individuals kill others easily and
also
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 it can lead to committing crimes.
For instance
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, the Philippines is the one of countries that do not control
guns
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.
Therefore
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, there are so many crimes caused
due to
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gun
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 possession. Recent research shows that many Philippine citizens want to leave for other countries and even foreign tourists avoid visiting the Philippines as they don't feel safe anymore because of
gun
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 attacks. For these reasons, the government should not allow
people
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 to carry
guns
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 in society. Even though they could protect themselves from violent
people
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, it will increase
crime
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 or suicide
rate
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 even much higher than before and the community can be more dangerous.
Submitted by hmhy0326 on

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task achievement
To enhance the essay, ensure to stay focused on the main argument against gun possession throughout the entire essay. Occasionally, there is repetition of points and ideas which can be smoothed out for improved clarity. Aim to provide a more in-depth analysis and consider addressing potential counterarguments in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure the flow of ideas is smooth and logical transitions are in place between paragraphs. Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, consider elaborating on examples a bit more to fully illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
Each main point is supported with reasons and examples, which strengthens the argument and demonstrates good task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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