The table below shows statistics about the top five countries for international tourism in 2012 and 2013.

The table below shows statistics about the top five countries for international tourism in

2012 and 2013.
The table illustrates the
range
of international visitors in 5
countries
between 2012 and 2013. In
this
table there are two general information regarding their visit to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
5
countries
which are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of
tourists
in 2 years and
also
the income that was received from their spending in different areas in their travel. Unlike
China
, all other
countries
had a moderate increase in
number
of
tourists
between the
year
of 2012 and 2013.
Although
China
had a gradual decrease in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of
tourists
in 2013, the incomes from these travellers have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in all
countries
even in
China
which is
Correct article usage
an unforseen
show examples
unforseen
Correct your spelling
unforeseen
result.
In addition
, it has been clearly shown that
Spain
and
China
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
range
of travellers in the
year
2012 but in the next
year
,
China
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
faced a decrease and
Spain
experienced
an
Change the article
a
show examples
moderate increase.
This
table shows that
France
had the most
number
of travellers among these 5
countries
on the other hand
, Italy had the lowest
range
however
, despite the fact that
France
had the highest amount of sightseers in the
year
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
USA which is in the second level, strangely had the most earnings from these sightseers.
This
fact might be a result of
That
Correct determiner usage
the the
show examples
USA has more
sightseeings
Fix the agreement mistake
sightseeing
show examples
all over the country
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France
or other
countries
which is because of
possesing
Correct your spelling
possessing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wide land rather than other lands. It should
also
be mentioned that despite the fact that
France
had more visitors than
Spain
, the received money from
tourists
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
likely
equal
Add the particle
to equal
show examples
in the first
year
but in the second
year
,
Spain
had
had
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
received more earnings
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France
. In conclusion, after comparing these 5 lands with each other, it's obvious that the
number
of explorers in a
year
is not related to the received money from them. There are some factors that can have a
straight
Correct word choice
direct
show examples
effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
income
such
as
policy
Add an article
the policy
a policy
show examples
of the tourist destination and the
number
of landmarks or
sightseeings
Fix the agreement mistake
sightseeing
show examples
in that destination.
Countries
could increase the
number
of visitors and the
range
of medium
eranings
Correct your spelling
earnings
readings
from them
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
creating more
intresting
Correct your spelling
interesting
areas for explorers or maybe
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
the visa procedure
more easy
Replace the words
easier
show examples
.
Submitted by maryamnikfekr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words range, countries, number, tourists, china, year, spain, france with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tourist arrivals
  • influx of tourists
  • economic impact
  • job creation
  • infrastructure development
  • revenue generation
  • geographical distribution
  • popular destination
  • regional analysis
  • natural attractions
  • cultural heritage
  • seasonal trends
  • tourism patterns
  • climatic conditions
  • tourism preferences
  • adventure tourism
  • eco-tourism
  • cultural tourism
  • holiday seasons
  • local events
What to do next:
Look at other essays: