IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #schools #money #computers #teachers #wages
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In today's modern life , some individuals argue that
,
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academies must focus on providing computers.
However
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, the other ones state that the budget must be spent on educator's
salaries
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. From my point of view , there must be
balance
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a balance
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 between educator
salaries
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 and provided devices. On one hand , there are our era's necessities ,
on the other hand
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 , there are educators'
salaries
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 which are a crucial part of millions of lives.
Firstly
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 , in today's digital age , electronic devices become ubiquitous and unavoidable in the
education
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 industry . Thousands of book pages can be minimalized to machines and one
click
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clicks
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 away from us .
Furthermore
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 , smart machines provide a range of sources which can be used in
education
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 .
For instance
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 , in hard arithmetic mean questions individuals are able to utilize smart calculators
such
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 as Desmoss , and Adobe calculators, which analyze the question and give the exact response.
Similarly
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 , in the context of language learning , there are numerous websites that you can address.
For instance
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 , for the teaching of vocabulary , designing presentations with memorable pictures on them can serve to make the lecture less complex for students.
According to
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 recent research made by Romanian Capital University's researchers , pictures play a more crucial role in remembering than prints do . Alternatively , a number of countries lack high educator
salaries
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 .
For instance
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 , in Morocco, the average wage of a teacher equals 4000$ per anniversary , which is significantly less than worldwide. There is an undeniable fact that low
salaries
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 directly impact the motivation of tutors . Small wages can affect the level of
education
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 , and low-motivated tutors will cause ignorance in future generations.
To conclude
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 , there must be a balance between these 2 approaches. Both , services and tutors are considerably necessary for
education
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 . We cannot utilize only services or AI for teaching .
Similarly
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 , ignoring the privilege of the Internet will lead to slow improvements for future generations
Submitted by nejla.abdullayeva on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the question and covers both viewpoints, focus on developing more comprehensive arguments for both sides to improve the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother logical transitions between different points to enhance coherence. This will help in maintaining a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples which add value to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively state the main points and the writer's opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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