Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
These days, it has been observed that the number of individuals who replace their medications has significantly increased. There are both pros and cons to
this
trend. Personally, I think it is a negative development. In this
essay, I will discuss both advantages and drawbacks,
and provide reasons to support my view on Remove the comma
apply
this
contentious issue.
Today, the number of patients who change their treatment procedures is increasing at an unprecedented rate. For example
, some people prefer to do yoga instead
of consuming medicines for their mental health, which can be healthier. Another example can be herbal medicine, which is getting popular these days. The reason why some individuals are drawn to these medicines is that there are no chemicals in them; thus
, they do not have side effects. Therefore
, some people turn to such
drugs because they suppose it is better than the previous way of treatment.
However
, although
there are various drugs available, most of them suffer from a lack of scientific confirmation. In fact, there is no scientific evidence to prove them. Accordingly
, they are not reliable and we should not rely on them. In some cases, not only are they not useful, but also
they may be detrimental to our health. Consequently
, the best way to cure is that we should trust doctors because they are professional and more reliable than anything.
To conclude
, nowadays, some people like to try other medicines instead
of drugs that are prescribed by their doctors. In my opinion, this
is a negative trend and affects people’s health negatively.Submitted by fatemeh1994bahrami on
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task achievement
Overall, the essay presents a clear stance and addresses both the pros and cons of alternative treatments, however, the points could be elaborated further with more specific examples and in-depth reasoning.
task achievement
Try to provide more scientific or statistical evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the transition between ideas is smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay can be improved by clearly separating different points in individual paragraphs. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Conclude by summarizing your key points briefly and reiterating your stance to leave a lasting impression.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in understanding your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Addressing both sides of the argument shows that you have considered different perspectives, which is good for a balanced discussion.
relevant specific examples
You have mentioned specific examples, such as yoga and herbal medicine, to illustrate your points, which adds credibility to your argument.