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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field can have a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is argued that professional
players
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 have become optimistic role models for
youngsters
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;
however
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, the rest of
people
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 consider that their behaviours shown on the ground or in other places have a bad impact on young
people
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.
Although
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 young
people
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 feel motivated by following them, I argue that expert
athletes
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' behaviour negatively influences youth because it facilitates an aggressive nature and money wastage. Admittedly, some
people
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 think sports
players
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 encourage young individuals. To specify, professional
players
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 express hardships and failures in their lives which boosts confidence among listeners, and they become more dedicated to work to achieve their goals. In
this
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 way, they will become successful as they understand the value of persistence taught by the expert
players
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.
For example
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, Virat Kohli gave all credit for his success to Sachin Tendulkar who was a farmer Indian cricketer and stated that he got motivation from the hard work done by
this
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 famous athlete.
However
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, from my perspective, the predominant negative effect of the behaviours of
athletes
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 on
youngsters
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 is their aggressive nature.
This
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 is because
players
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 not only display their aggression but
also
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 use inappropriate language on the field during the game, and it facilitates
youngsters
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 to apply these acts or words in their routine lives.
For instance
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, a survey report on the volatile nature of young
people
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 states that most
youngsters
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 who are true followers of sports
people
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 show aggression more often.
Besides
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 showing rage,
youngsters
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 are wasting their finances. To justify, had the followers of sports
players
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 not desired to imitate their favourite
people
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, they would not have spent money extravagantly.
In other words
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,
youngsters
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 try to copy the lifestyle of
players
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; thereby, spending money on expensive clothes and bodybuilding nutrients.
Therefore
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, it is substantiated that professional
athletes
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' behaviour negatively influences
youngsters
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. In conclusion,
while
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 a few groups consider that professional
athletes
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 positively encourage
youngsters
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, I negatively consider the above statement as it makes young
people
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 more aggressive and spendthrift.

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vocabulary
Consider varying vocabulary and using a wider range of sentence structures to enhance readability and interest.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next to maintain coherence throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion
The essay offers a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, providing a comprehensive overview of the topic.
supported points
The main points are adequately supported with relevant examples, enhancing the reader's understanding of the arguments presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • determination
  • discipline
  • work ethic
  • community service
  • charitable activities
  • poor behavior
  • unsportsmanlike conduct
  • media scrutiny
  • public perception
  • materialism
  • physical and mental health issues
  • impressionable youth
  • high levels
  • pursuing sports
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
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