Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.
Technology
plays important
role in the Correct article usage
an important
education
field but at the sametime
, an educator's salary Correct your spelling
same time
also
matters. An array of masses suggest
that schools should spend cash on Correct subject-verb agreement
suggests
technology
rather than the teacher
's salary. I shall discuss both the situations in next paragraphs and provide my opinion.
Some individuals say that,
"The Remove the comma
apply
education
sector should spend funds on the
computers and not on Correct article usage
apply
teacher's
Change noun form
teachers'
payment
. I believe that both are important, Fix the agreement mistake
payments
technology
education
and also
teacher
's salary. Education
related to the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
will give students
knowledge about how to work on a computer and how to operate it in different ways. For example
, It will be beneficial for students
in future when they will work for a company. Technology
will help children
to become self-confident and an
independent human Correct article usage
apply
being
.
Other Fix the agreement mistake
beings
group
of individuals say that funds should be raised for giving salaries to Change the wording
groups
teachers
. Teachers
play an active role in the field of education
and they are the one
who help Correct pronoun usage
ones
students
in different areas of the education
field. If teachers
are not satisfied with given wages, they will not give their best in providing the specific education
to the children
. Moreover
, it will affect children
's education
and the whole society. Teachers
are the true leaders of their students
and without the educators, no school will function.
To conclude
with
, I believe that both Change preposition
apply
plays
an important role in shaping Correct subject-verb agreement
play
the
society, computers Correct article usage
apply
as well as
teacher's
wages but, schools should give priority to Fix the agreement mistake
teachers'
teacher's
funds because if they are satisfied with their wages Fix the agreement mistake
teachers'
then
only children
will receieve
the best Correct your spelling
receive
education
they deserve.Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on
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task achievement
There are several sentence structures and grammatical errors that need attention. For example, 'at the sametime' should be 'at the same time'. Also, 'I shall discuss both the situations in next paragraphs' could be refined to 'I shall discuss both situations in the following paragraphs'. Improving these would make your essay clearer and more professional.
task achievement
Ensure each main idea is expanded fully. While you have discussed the importance of both teachers' salaries and technology in education, the arguments could benefit from more depth and specificity.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, but consider using more varied linking devices. Instead of frequently using 'some individuals', 'other group of individuals', and repetitive phrases, try different connective phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in giving it a clear structure.
task achievement
You effectively present both sides of the argument, giving a balanced view before stating your own opinion.
task achievement
The essay ends with a clearly stated opinion, which is good for task achievement and coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.