Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #schools #money #computers #teachers #wages

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Technology

plays

important

Correct article usage

an important

show examples

role in the

education

field but at the

sametime

Correct your spelling

same time

, an educator's salary

also

matters. An array of masses

suggest

Correct subject-verb agreement

suggests

show examples

that schools should spend cash on

technology

rather than the

teacher

's salary. I shall discuss both the situations in next paragraphs and provide my opinion. Some individuals say that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

"The

education

sector should spend funds on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

computers and not on

teacher's

Change noun form

teachers'

show examples

payment

Fix the agreement mistake

payments

show examples

. I believe that both are important,

technology

education

and

also

teacher

's salary.

Education

related to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology

will give

students

knowledge about how to work on a computer and how to operate it in different ways.

For example

, It will be beneficial for

students

in future when they will work for a company.

Technology

will help

children

to become self-confident and

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

independent human

being

Fix the agreement mistake

beings

show examples

. Other

group

Change the wording

groups

show examples

of individuals say that funds should be raised for giving salaries to

teachers

Teachers

play an active role in the field of

education

and they are the

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

who help

students

in different areas of the

education

field. If

teachers

are not satisfied with given wages, they will not give their best in providing the specific

education

to the

children

Moreover

, it will affect

children

education

and the whole society.

Teachers

are the true leaders of their

students

and without the educators, no school will function.

To conclude

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

, I believe that both

plays

Correct subject-verb agreement

play

show examples

an important role in shaping

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society, computers

as well as

teacher's

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers'

show examples

wages but, schools should give priority to

teacher's

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers'

show examples

funds because if they are satisfied with their wages

then

only

children

will

receieve

Correct your spelling

receive

the best

education

they deserve.

Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on Tue May 14 2024

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task achievement

There are several sentence structures and grammatical errors that need attention. For example, 'at the sametime' should be 'at the same time'. Also, 'I shall discuss both the situations in next paragraphs' could be refined to 'I shall discuss both situations in the following paragraphs'. Improving these would make your essay clearer and more professional.

task achievement

Ensure each main idea is expanded fully. While you have discussed the importance of both teachers' salaries and technology in education, the arguments could benefit from more depth and specificity.

coherence cohesion

The transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, but consider using more varied linking devices. Instead of frequently using 'some individuals', 'other group of individuals', and repetitive phrases, try different connective phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in giving it a clear structure.

task achievement

You effectively present both sides of the argument, giving a balanced view before stating your own opinion.

task achievement

The essay ends with a clearly stated opinion, which is good for task achievement and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college, university or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage ?

If an individual acts in an anti-social way, such as committing a crime, who is to be blamed: society or the individual. What causes begin such behaviour? Who should be responsible for this?

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Older people often choose to spend their money on themselves (e.g., on holiday) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?