IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #students
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It is commonly believed that universities should aim to maintain equal
gender
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 ratios in all courses.
This
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 essay supports
this
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 campaign, arguing that
such
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 a balance would provide more opportunities for both genders to attend their preferred schools and contribute to their comprehensive development.
Firstly
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, maintaining equal proportions of men and women in university courses can create more opportunities for
students
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 to choose fields that truly interest them.
For instance
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, some universities limit the number of
students
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 who can
enroll
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enrol
show examples
in particular
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 departments, making the admission process more competitive.
This
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 can result in an inappropriate environment for
students
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 who may struggle. By ensuring
gender
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 balance, universities can help
students
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 select their ideal career paths and pursue their studies with full dedication and motivation.
Moreover
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,
gender
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 equality in classrooms contributes to holistic development. Observations have shown that women often excel in areas requiring craftsmanship and persistence,
while
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 men tend to perform well in creativity and innovation. Collaborative efforts between male and female
students
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 can enhance the effectiveness of projects and academic
endeavors
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endeavours
show examples
.
This
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 collaboration not only builds professional teamwork skills but
also
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 provides opportunities for
students
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 to learn from each other's strengths and weaknesses, leading to well-rounded personal and academic growth. In conclusion, achieving
gender
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 balance in university courses offers numerous benefits, including a more conducive learning environment and the development of essential skills.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for educational institutions to ensure equal representation of male and female
students
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 in their programs.
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task achievement
For a higher score, consider providing more specific examples or statistics to robustly support your argument, which adds credibility and depth to your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured and flows well. Small improvements could be made by linking your paragraphs with more varied transition phrases to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your arguments.
task achievement
You presented clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the prompt, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported with examples, making your arguments convincing. This shows a good level of critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • diversity
  • inclusivity
  • balanced
  • learning environment
  • opportunities
  • perspectives
  • gender stereotypes
  • fairness
  • equal opportunities
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