Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is commonly believed that the government must implement rules and regulations that can reduce environmental
pollution
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and housing problems, which in turn can help prevent
diseases
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. I vehemently agree with the statement made and in
this
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essay will discuss the reasons behind my agreement.
First,
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pollution
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is the cause of a
number
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of
diseases
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today. To clarify
further
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, these not only cause life-threatening
diseases
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,
such
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as cancer, but
also
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reduce average life expectancy.
For example
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, an article published by - The Times - in the UK in 2015, revealed that the
number
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of cancer patients was a whopping 65% higher than before 2010. So, it is impossible
denies
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to deny
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that governments should play an essential role in ensuring security. to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Is there any other reason behind my consent? Absolutely yes. In terms of disease prevention, governments should make efforts to reduce housing problems because these problems are responsible for higher rates of disease. To decipher
this
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, these could lead to the construction of countless slums,
thus
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polluting the environment and water, producing various disease-causing viruses, leading to a large
number
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of sick people.
for example
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, most mosquito-borne
diseases
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are directly or indirectly linked to slums as they are responsible for creating
favorable
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favourable
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environments for them.
Therefore
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, authorities need to take effective measures to prevent
this
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growing trend. In conclusion, despite the fact that there are several other reasons for the increasing
number
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of sick people,
pollution
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and housing issues are the most prominent ones as they are responsible for countless
diseases
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.
However
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, the government should take necessary steps to reduce
pollution
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as well as
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build houses to accommodate people living in slums and streets.
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Coherence and Cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which were well-structured. However, there are a few areas where the logical structure of the arguments could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and maintains coherence throughout.
Task Achievement
You have mostly addressed the task and presented your opinion clearly. However, a few points in your essay lack depth and detailed analysis. Make sure to expand on your points and provide more detailed explanations for a stronger argument.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples that are relevant and help support your main points more effectively. This will make your argument more compelling and your essay more convincing.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are solid and effectively frame your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a logical progression and clear ideas throughout most of the essay, which helps the reader follow your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • adequate heating
  • renewable energy
  • infrastructure
  • transboundary pollution
  • stringent regulations
  • affordable housing
  • environmental regulations
  • healthcare costs
  • quality of life
  • overcrowding
  • damp
  • mental health issues
  • societal benefits
  • productivity
  • enforcement
  • international cooperation
  • health issues
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