IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the characteristic we are born will have many much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life. To what extent do you agree with this?

#people #influence #personality #development #experiences #life
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An argument has arisen between two views, the first view believes that nothing can change
people
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's
traits
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,
while
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 the opposite viewpoint objects to that. In
this
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 report, I will go through both sides of
this
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 conflict, and
then
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 allow me
to conclude
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 my position.
To begin
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 with, changing the characteristics is impossible, unpredictable, and difficult. For
further
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 explanation, genetic tests show that
people
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's
traits
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 are part of genes, and it is impossible to change them.
In addition
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, some studies capture that criminals were born
holding
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apply
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the aggressive behaviour in their DNA, and despite the fact that some of them were engaged, comfortable, and relaxed during their childhood, they became dangerous criminals.
In other words
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, the peaceful environment that they lived in, has not affected their personalities because they are constant parts of them.
Moreover
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, studies capture that children act like their ancestors even though they face different situations, which means that the environment and experiences do not affect the individual
traits
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.
Although
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 the points mentioned above are accurate, there are reverse points that hold equal accuracy. To illustrate that, facing a variety of situations is helpful, effective, beneficial, and useful.
For example
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, many
people
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 share on social media that their personalities have dramatically changed after building some toxic relationships, facing confusing situations, and dealing with unfriendly
people
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;
In other words
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, the experiences that they faced have completely changed their characteristics.
Additionally
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, reports show that even though the individuals'
traits
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 are part of their genes, there are some external factors that can change them.
Besides
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 that, twins do not have the exact same personalities because they face various issues even though they have similar genes. In conclusion, even though a lot of scientists claim that characteristics cannot be changed, many proofs show that various experiences affect them.
However
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, I completely disagree with the statement mentioned above.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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task achievement
Work on providing even stronger evidence and examples to support your main points. This will help to make your argument more convincing and demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is coherent, make sure to use clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid redundancy in your writing. Phrases like 'helpful, effective, beneficial, and useful' can be simplified for a more direct approach.
task achievement
You have offered a complete response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is clear and provides a direct answer to the question, which rounds off your essay nicely.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is logical, and you've organized your points in a clear manner.
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