IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people say that the characteristic we are born will have many much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life. To what extent do you agree with this?

#people #influence #personality #development #experiences #life
An argument has arisen between two views, the first view believes that nothing can change
people
's
traits
,
while
 the opposite viewpoint objects to that. In
this
 report, I will go through both sides of
this
 conflict, and
then
 allow me
to conclude
 my position.
To begin
 with, changing the characteristics is impossible, unpredictable, and difficult. For
further
 explanation, genetic tests show that
people
's
traits
 are part of genes, and it is impossible to change them.
In addition
, some studies capture that criminals were born
holding
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the aggressive behaviour in their DNA, and despite the fact that some of them were engaged, comfortable, and relaxed during their childhood, they became dangerous criminals.
In other words
, the peaceful environment that they lived in, has not affected their personalities because they are constant parts of them.
Moreover
, studies capture that children act like their ancestors even though they face different situations, which means that the environment and experiences do not affect the individual
traits
.
Although
 the points mentioned above are accurate, there are reverse points that hold equal accuracy. To illustrate that, facing a variety of situations is helpful, effective, beneficial, and useful.
For example
, many
people
 share on social media that their personalities have dramatically changed after building some toxic relationships, facing confusing situations, and dealing with unfriendly
people
;
In other words
, the experiences that they faced have completely changed their characteristics.
Additionally
, reports show that even though the individuals'
traits
 are part of their genes, there are some external factors that can change them.
Besides
 that, twins do not have the exact same personalities because they face various issues even though they have similar genes. In conclusion, even though a lot of scientists claim that characteristics cannot be changed, many proofs show that various experiences affect them.
However
, I completely disagree with the statement mentioned above.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on providing even stronger evidence and examples to support your main points. This will help to make your argument more convincing and demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is coherent, make sure to use clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid redundancy in your writing. Phrases like 'helpful, effective, beneficial, and useful' can be simplified for a more direct approach.
task achievement
You have offered a complete response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is clear and provides a direct answer to the question, which rounds off your essay nicely.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is logical, and you've organized your points in a clear manner.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: