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Band 4.5

Some people think that a srnsr if competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children woh are taught to co-operate rather than competemore useful adults. Discuss bothviews and give your opinion.

#people #srnsr #competition #children #woh #co-operate #competemore #adults #bothviews
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It is said by some,
children
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 should be studied atmosphere
competition
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.
However
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, others consider that pupils who learn to collaborate
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although
Change preposition
through
show examples
,
competition
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 is more useful for
juviniles
Correct your spelling
juveniles
. In my opinion, both of them have benefits.
Nonetheless
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,
co-operate
Correct article usage
a co-operate
show examples
 teaching style is better. There are some reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teaching with
competition
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.
Firstly
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, it gives motivation to
children
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 and they can
work
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 harder.
Secondly
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,
children
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 who are taught with
competition
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 are better than other
children
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. S a consequence
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
juviniles
Correct your spelling
juveniles
 have self-esteem
themself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
also
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 independent
work
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.
Furthermore
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,
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of their
work
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 has faster progress and had healthy rivalry than others.
Fr
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For
show examples
 example,
people
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 should pass the interview before
enter
Change the verb form
entering
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 job and
this
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 teaching system provides with job in that situation. 25 per cent of
people
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 pass
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job interviews
via
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
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 way throughout the world. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are taught with
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 inspiration. If they do not study with
competition
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 , they may not pass the interview. All in all, teaching with
competition
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 useful for
people
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 and it prepares
for
Correct pronoun usage
them for
show examples
 adult
life
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. There are more beneficial sides are studied
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
collaboration
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 than
other teaching style
Change the wording
another teaching style
other teaching styles
show examples
. The main reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
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co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
evrn
Correct your spelling
is
 more important for students' future
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. To
explan
Correct your spelling
explain
, if
children
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 are taught with
co-operation
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, they can achieve their success with their colleagues.
Consequently
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, they are better attitude for young
people
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.
Furthermore
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, they have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
competition
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 with other
people
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 .
For instance
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, several
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's
show examples
 bosses co-operate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other and they achieve high levels of development
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, studying
collaboration
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 style
also
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 helps for
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 future
life
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. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they can
work
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together with
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 junior staffs and help them. If
children
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 are not taught with
co-operation
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,
competition
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 may increase.
To sum up
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,
collaboration
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 is more useful than
wining
Correct your spelling
winning
show examples
. In conclusion, to my mind, a
srnsr
Correct your spelling
sense
sensor
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 and
co-operation
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 have many benefits.
Nevertheless
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,
collaboration
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 is vital and it plays
pivotal
Add an article
a pivotal
show examples
 role in
Use synonyms
children'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 future
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Grammar
Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar to reduce errors. This will help you convey your ideas more clearly.
Idea development
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed and clearly explained. This will make your essay more comprehensive and easier to follow.
Example
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
Structure
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion in your essay, which helps provide structure.
Balance
You have addressed both views on the topic, showing a balanced approach.
Supporting Arguments
Your attempt to support your arguments with examples is good, but try to make these examples more specific and relevant.
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