IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

High medication costs can affect the effectiveness of disease treatment. Discuss the main reasons for increasing medication prices and examine how this affects disease treatment

Medical
costs
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 play a vital role in treatment.
However
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, the high pharmaceutical prices are a controversial issue that causes a wide range of severe downsides. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to discuss the reasons behind the high drug
costs
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 and highlight the negative effects on society.
To begin
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 with, the primary reason for high medication
costs
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 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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research and development.
Firstly
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, developing new
drugs
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 requires a long time and a massive investment. It takes a number of months to discover a new drug.
Besides
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, scientists call for funding for experimentation.
However
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, for investing
a
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an
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 amount of time and money, the challenging situation is a high failure rate, and the small rate of
drugs
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 makes it to market.
Therefore
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, the pharmaceutical company argues that they need to keep high
to
Check wording
prices to
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 recover
costs
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 and to fund future research.
As a result
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, individuals cannot afford the prescription
costs
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, leading to an impact on severe health issues and healthcare. Citizens who have diseases do not follow medication adherence and take lower doses than prescribed in order to manage expenses.
Consequently
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, the total number of hospitalizations increases dramatically, directly have an impact on burdening health systems. The doctors and nurses work overtime shifts to treat patients.
Besides
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, the families of patients experience feeling helpless, resulting in less hope in their lives.
Hence
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, the more expensive the
drugs
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 are, the more stressful inhabitants and authorised institutions to deal with. In a nutshell, the research and development of new
drugs
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 is one of the major factors driving up out-of-pocket drug
costs
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. Thereby, the patients not only endure physical pain, but
also
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 struggle with high
payment
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costs
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.
In particular
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, when those living in poverty cannot afford a remedy, they are even forced to give up medical care.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction to guide the reader. Improve the link between your ideas for better flow.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or evidence to support your main points. This will help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You clearly highlighted the main reasons for high medication costs and their effects on society, which is central to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well structured with an introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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