IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is better for students to live away from home while studying at university than to live with parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #home #university #parents
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Many
students
Use synonyms
 choose to rent houses near their colleges
instead
Linking Words
 of living
at
Change preposition
in
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 their
parents
Use synonyms
' homes.
While
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 there are several benefits for those people who are accommodated away from
home
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, I agree with the view that it is more beneficial for individuals to live with their
parents
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, living by
students
Use synonyms
 themselves surely has some advantages. In the first place, people who live without
parents
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 are more independent.
This
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 is because
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
students
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 have to solve problems by themselves rather than seeking help from
parents
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, they are supposed to make their own meals, do their laundry, and clean their houses.
As a result
Linking Words
, it improves
children
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's independence.
Moreover
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,
students
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 may be satisfied with their freedom outside of the
home
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. They lack
parents
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'
supervisions
Fix the agreement mistake
supervision
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, which means they are able to explore more things that were forbidden before.
For example
Linking Words
, they are allowed to go
home
Use synonyms
 lately and try exciting activities without permission.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they may have more entertaining lives during their time
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
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.
By contrast
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, I strongly confirm that
students
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 ought to choose
home
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 as their first choice when considering accommodations. First of all,
students
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 have higher standard quality of life if they live with their
parents
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. The main reason for
that is
Linking Words
 their
parents
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 may provide meals and clothes for them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that
children
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 will not worry about their basic life necessities.
Additionally
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, sometimes
parents
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 may take their
children
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 out for a feast or expensive clubs which
students
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are not
Verb problem
cannot
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 affordable for
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is safe to live in their own houses.
Students
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 are familiar with their surroundings and neighbours, and once they meet with dangers, they can seek help immediately. Apart from that, their
parents
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 can recognise risks for them, which may be hard for
children
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 to distinguish.
For example
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,
children
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 who live out may be influenced by their friends, developing bad habits,
such
Linking Words
 as smoking, drinking and so on.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is better for
children
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 to live at
home
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 living outside may give
students
Use synonyms
 happier campus lives, it is more beneficial for
students
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 to choose
home
Use synonyms
 as their accommodation with more comfortable safe lives.
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coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, consider introducing transitions within paragraphs to connect ideas more fluidly. For instance, using phrases like 'Moreover,' and 'Additionally,' can enhance the flow.
task achievement
You should also address possible counterarguments to strengthen your position. This would show a deeper understanding of the topic and balance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs that convey distinct ideas.
task achievement
You present specific examples that support your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly state your viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • social networks
  • time management
  • budgeting skills
  • homesickness
  • financial costs
  • emotional support
  • alleviate stress
  • household responsibilities
What to do next:
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