some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults

Recently, the rate of teenager's

crimes

has increased. Some

people

may have claimed that young criminals should be punished like adults. I understand that suggestion,

however

, I personally disagree with

this

because young

people

are able to improve

Change preposition

with

show examples

our assistance.

Firstly

teenagers

are more immature and inexperienced than adults. They don't have a standard of their behaviours which is right or wrong. If they have never experienced being taught by adults about bad things, they will likely commit

crimes

against their friends.

For example

, teachers in South Korea reported that students aren't aware that rubbing peers' things is a serious problem if they have not taught before. I understand their concerns,

thus

I suggest that rather than punishing

teenagers

, we need to give more chances to young

people

to improve themselves.

Moreover

, young

people

will lose their self-confidence if they get harsh punishment.

Teenagers

who committed

crimes

might be able to live as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

criminal

Fix the agreement mistake

criminals

show examples

in the

future

even if they already had been punished.

This

will discourage a person's morale to live better which may detrimentally affect their will to improve. What I am concerned about is that they will commit

crimes

again in the

future

if they don't have any chance. Another concern is that our society can miss our

future

intelligent individuals which seems to have adverse effects on our

future

society.

Therefore

, giving

teenagers

who commit

crimes

opportunities rather than only punishing them, and assisting them to discover new talent, which could be beneficial in the long run.

To sum up

, I firmly disagree with giving harsh punishment to young

people

because they are still too young to be mature and it will discourage our

future

society. I believe we should encourage them more chance to improve their behaviours themselves.

Submitted by kchengii on Wed May 15 2024

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task achievement

Your essay generally addresses the task effectively and provides a clear stance. However, ensure to expand on the provided examples with more detail to strengthen your argument further.

coherence cohesion

Main points are presented in an organized manner, but try to improve transitions between paragraphs and ideas for a smoother flow.

grammar

There's a minor grammatical mistake: the word 'rubbing' should be 'robbing'. Pay attention to vocabulary accuracy.

structure

The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and clearly state the position taken.

clear ideas

You have effectively pointed out the immaturity and potential for improvement in young people as a reason against harsh punishment.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You should spend about 40 mins. Write about the following topic: Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

You work at home and have a problem with piece of iquepment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the iquepment. In your letter: • describe the problem • explain how this problem affecting your work • say what you want the shop or company to do