Nowadayys, a growing number of people with heatlh problems are trying an alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In the past, it was common practice for those with
health
issues to seek out
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their habitual
doctor
. These days, an increasing quantity of people with
such
problems
are relying on different medicines
as well as
treatments,
instead
of choosing to consult with a
doctor
. In
this
essay, I will argue that
this
increasing reliance on medication without consulting their
doctor
is a mostly advantageous turn of
events
, as it has increased accessibility to curing sicknesses as long as it doesn't involve serious illnesses.
Firstly
, one clear advantage is that clients are able to receive the immediate help they may require at a significantly lower price.
This
is because, in countries where healthcare is private
in contrast
to ones with a public system, there is a growing trend of people on the lower end of the income spectrum being unable to afford basic help for
health
-related matters or the help they receive is slow
due to
high demand. After the world has experienced a rising gap between the rich and the
floor
Correct your spelling
poor
show examples
,
this
is a particularly significant facet.
As a consequence
, it does not surprise me that
this
turn of
events
has meant that the number of people visiting their pharmacies,
instead
of for a check-up at the hospital to see if it's a serious illness, has increased in certain countries and is forecasted to rise in the near future.
For instance
, when I went to a summer camp in the USA, I had to attempt to resort to medication from the local pharmacy when I had a sore throat owing to the large fees for
health
treatment, which even
includes
Wrong verb form
included
show examples
fees for getting an ambulance.
Hence
, the facet of increasing affordability in comparison to going to see a
doctor
makes it in my eyes a more convenient and advantageous option for an average customer. Having said
this
, the extent of
this
benefit clearly depends upon the seriousness of the
health
problem. Whilst
this
might work for minor issues
such
as headaches and stomach
problems
,
this
might not work for large-scale
problems
such
as injuries or infections. In
this
case, which could have the potential of becoming a medical emergency,
this
is a disadvantageous turn of
events
because customers who prefer to avoid utilizing medical services in
such
serious occurrences may risk their lives or exacerbate their existing
health
problems
in the future. After a client detects feeling seriously unwell, I do believe that urgent actions should be taken despite the high costs
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
treatment. One example of
this
is when my friend who had COVID-19 in 2021 was in debt and was
consequently
extremely reluctant to seek help from professionals.
Consequently
,
instead
, he tried to solely rely on purchasing pills to cure
this
virus. Fortunately, in the end, she did end up getting the required help but it did mean she recovered much slower than had she sought immediate medical attention.
For
this
reason, I do believe that
this
turn of
events
has a big disadvantage since it potentially shows the decreasing confidence consumers have
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
healthcare establishments of certain nations, which decreases their ability to recover from contagious diseases faster. In conclusion, I partially agree that the rising number of clients who choose to not seek help from doctors is a benefit given that it can potentially save them a great deal of money
due to
the increasing prices for medical services in several nations, on the grounds that it is not a life-threatening problem.
Submitted by nejla.abdullayeva on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that these ideas are connected logically.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical mistakes and typos, like 'heatlh' and 'floor' instead of 'health' and 'poor.' These detract slightly from the clarity of your work.
task achievement
Try to introduce more evidence or specific examples to support your argument and make it more convincing. Your essay has a good structure but would benefit from more robust support for each point.
coherence cohesion
You have a solid structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This enhances the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your arguments are clear and relevant to the task. You adequately address both benefits and drawbacks, which gives your essay a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Personal examples lend a unique perspective and make your points more relatable, which is effective in illustrating your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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