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Band 4.5

In some countries it is traditional for men to work and for women to stay at home to look after the family. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#countries #men #work #women #home
People from vastly different zones are more inclined to the opinion that
women
 should stay at home
for providing
Change preposition
to provide
show examples
 an education to their kids and just
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
good
wife
Fix the agreement mistake
wives
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 who
keeps
Correct subject-verb agreement
keep
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 their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 in clear condition.At the same time, men must work
for feeding
Change preposition
to feed
show examples
 their families.I would argue
that is
 just religious limitations or that case when a man wants to work and save his wife's health.I will support
this
 view that in families
women
 are supposed to stay at home with arguments in the following paragraphs. The majority of Muslims and others in
this
 wave believe that if girls remain at the accommodation, they become so pretty and wonderful life partners and mothers.Actually,
this
 statement is very beneficial for them and it can serve as a
well
Correct word choice
good
show examples
 way of being an eccentric personality.
In other words
, they will have a great chance to develop themselves in directions
such
 as art, sport, cooking, hobbies programming
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.Another factor contributing to the advantages of being at house is
don'
Verb problem
not
show examples
t
 losing health physically and morally as could happen in a routine lifestyle.
For instance
, it is universally accepted that annoying office jobs reduce the length of life.
Hence
, it may be a fine decision to avoid a boring and stressful workplace.
On the other hand
, that isn'
t
 completely useful, as some
women
 have a strong desire to be famous.Popularity is the most important thing for them.Despite the fact that in the first ,variant each woman had a possibility to improve their skills and remain modest, for a certain group of girls that isn'
t
 satisfying enough.
For example
,
women
 have to leave their family life
for constructing
Change preposition
to construct
show examples
 powerful and impressive careers. To summarise, after analysing the issue, it is felt that only ladies who want to acquire extraordinary fate have to
don'
Verb problem
not
show examples
t
 stick to that idea.For others, remaining at the apartment could be a useful and wonderful declaration
Submitted by agostinoninonem on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Develop main points with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Address opposing views more thoroughly to provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the issue, making it easy to understand the writer’s position.
coherence cohesion
The arguments are presented logically and are easy to follow.
task achievement
Attempt to cover both advantages and disadvantages, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional roles
  • gender roles
  • household management
  • child rearing
  • emotional well-being
  • financial stability
  • productivity
  • gender inequality
  • personal growth
  • professional growth
  • economic dependency
  • skill atrophy
  • social isolation
  • job prospects
  • personal fulfillment
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