IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the past important knowledge and history were stored in the museum. Nowadays information is freely available on the Internet therefore is no longer a need for museums. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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An argument has arisen between two views, the first viewpoint says that websites provide a variety of historical information;
therefore
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,
museums
Use synonyms
 are useless,
while
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 the opposite view claims that they are still useful. In
this
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 report, I will go through both sides of
this
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 conflict, and
then
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 allow me
to conclude
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 my position.
To begin
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 with,
museums
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 are attractive, profitable, helpful, and entertaining. For
further
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 explanation, even though there are a lot of videos, pieces of information, images, and documents available on the internet, seeing and touching antiques physically is more interesting;
hence
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, tourists like to go there and discover a variety of cultures by themselves.
In addition
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, reports illustrate that many countries depend on them to enhance their economy, and they provide a great financial resource.
Moreover
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, many people share on social media that they like going there because it is really interesting, cheerful, and joyful, and searching on the internet is not enough to discover old nations. Even though the points mentioned above are accurate, there are reverse points that hold equal accuracy. To illustrate that,
museums
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 are money-consuming, boring, and abandoned. Many articles show that a lot of money is spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 making ads and buying antiques, so investing in other fields will be more profitable.
Additionally
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, many studies capture that people visit other facilities more than
museums
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, and, indeed, the majority prefer to go to other places.
Besides
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 that, many parents admit that their children felt bored when they visited some
museums
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, so they prefer to go to more entertaining places
such
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 as gardens, beaches, and the cinema. In conclusion,
although
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museums
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 are profitable, beneficial, and cheerful, they hold a lot of negatives
such
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 as being money-consuming, boring, and less attractive.
As a result
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, I completely agree with the statement mentioned above.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to provide more specific and relevant examples to support the main points. This will help demonstrate your understanding and analysis of the topic more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use linking words and phrases to create a more logical structure and clear progression throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a strength in task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which help to frame the essay and provide a clear starting and ending point for the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible connection
  • authentic experience
  • guided learning experiences
  • credibility and curation
  • cultural preservation
  • community identity
  • sense of belonging
  • emotional impact
  • memorable experiences
  • virtual tours
  • local economies
  • tourism
  • curated exhibits
  • expertise
  • cultural heritage
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