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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show what students in high school want to become when they grow up.

The charts below show what students in high school want to become when they grow up.
The pie charts show what high school
students
Use synonyms
 want to have
jobs
Use synonyms
 when they grow up. It is clearly seen that most boys want to become a doctor,
this
Linking Words
 figure is 32%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, an athlete and a dentist account for 21% and 17%, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, male
students
Use synonyms
 are not likely to become a teacher and a professor,
while
Linking Words
 those two
jobs
Use synonyms
 are popular among female
students
Use synonyms
. These figures are 6% and 9%, respectively for male
students
Use synonyms
, 24% and 14% for female
students
Use synonyms
, respectively. It is
also
Linking Words
 notable that a teacher, a dentist, and a lawyer are the most dominant desirable
jobs
Use synonyms
 among female
students
Use synonyms
. These figures are 24%, 23%, and 21%, respectively. Unlike male
students
Use synonyms
, female
students
Use synonyms
'
jobs
Use synonyms
 are distributed evenly.
However
Linking Words
, a doctor and an athlete accounted for less than 10% in female
students
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is interesting that boys' and girls' dream
jobs
Use synonyms
 are completely different. the largest proportion of male
students
Use synonyms
 want to be a doctor,
while
Linking Words
 the largest proportion of female
students
Use synonyms
 want to be a teacher.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, jobs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career aspirations
  • profession
  • societal values
  • technological advancements
  • gig economy
  • remote work
  • climate change
  • extracurricular activities
  • guidance counseling
  • discrepancies
  • hypothetical scenario
  • navigating
  • influence
  • popularity
  • speculation
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