IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The arts, such as music, painting and literature, are an essential part of a society's cultural identity. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is said that every form of
Use synonyms
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 is culturally important to any country around the world. The writer of
this
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 essay strongly agrees with
this
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 notion since
arts
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 not only represent historical contexts but
also
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 people's
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
show examples
 throughout the time.Artists and their masterpieces are both influenced by the environment which leads to the significant differences of each age's artistic styles.
In other words
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, by
examming
Correct your spelling
examining
examing
 paintings
as well as
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 poems, many researchers have learnt many crucial twists and turns that result in the characteristics of each modern
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
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.
Furthermore
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, as
arts
Use synonyms
 were not
monopoly
Add an article
a monopoly
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 by any class
among
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, even the lowest people who lived under the poverty line could still contribute to their
culture
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 via informal
arts
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. Take China
for instance
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, it is the richest country regarding
culture
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 because
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 has been
regconized
Correct your spelling
recognized
 the great importance of art for for a long time.It should
also
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 be noted
how
Correct word choice
that
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 without many
piece
Change to a plural noun
pieces
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 of art, a lot of historical points, a part of
culture
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, could not be explored. To be more specific,
while
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 written history bears the criticism of being recorded by the winners, making it
became
Verb problem
apply
show examples
subjective, the
arts
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 like rebel paintings and songs are the true opinion of some citizens at that moment.
Moreover
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, on the grounds that artistic pieces have always been considered valuable, they are more likely to be kept safe in order to pass their meanings to the next generations.
As a consequence
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, without the contribution of poets and other artists, some parts of a cultural identity would remain hidden.In conclusion, the
arts
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 play a key role when it comes to
culture
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 because of the historical meaning they bring and society's opinion at different ages. Unless there
were
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was
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 a wide range of art pieces, a nation could not be declared as culturally rich.

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coherence cohesion
The essay should benefit from clearer paragraph breaks. Currently, the essay is presented in a single block of text, which hampers readability and logical progression of ideas. Distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion would enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases, like 'became subjective' instead of 'becoming subjective' and 'is has been regconized' instead of 'it has been recognized.'
task achievement
Although the examples provided are relevant, they could be more specific and fully developed. For example, further elaboration on how China's informal arts contributed to its cultural richness would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's agreement with the statement, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
task achievement
The essay offers a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both the historical significance and the societal impact of the arts.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples to support the main points, such as the reference to China and the mention of rebel paintings and songs.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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