Some people believe that money is the major source of happiness in life. do you strongly agree or disagree?
Many people trust that
money
is the most
source of joy in Correct word choice
greatest
life
. I strongly agree with this
statement because almost everything in life
need
Change the verb form
needs
money
and without money
we not be able to fulfill
our basic needs Change the spelling
fulfil
that
can lead to unhappiness.
Everything in Correct pronoun usage
which
life
have
a price and Change the verb form
has
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
money
to buy or have it. We need money
to enjoy some entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
such
as watch
movies, Replace the word
watching
travel
to Wrong verb form
travelling
the
beautiful Correct article usage
apply
country
, Fix the agreement mistake
countries
buy
expensive things and doing fun things. Wrong verb form
buying
For example
, to enjoy my favorite food
like sushi, i
should spend more Change the capitalization
I
money
than my regular meal. Enjoying my favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
food
brings me hapiness
more than Correct your spelling
happiness
the
regular Correct article usage
apply
food
and also
make
me forget Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
problem
in Fix the agreement mistake
problems
life
for awhile
.
Every human being should fulfill their basic needs in order to live Correct your spelling
a while
peaceful
. Human basic needs Change the adjective
peacefully
such
as food
, water, shelter, toilet, clothes, and others are important. We pay all of the basic needs with the bills every month or other times. If human
not be able to Fix the agreement mistake
humans
fulfill
their basic needs, it will bring problems and stress that lead Change the spelling
fulfil
unhappiness
in their Change preposition
to unhappiness
life
.
In conclude
, I Replace the word
conclusion
totallly
agree that Correct your spelling
totally
money
is powerful
source of Add an article
a powerful
hapiness
in Correct your spelling
happiness
life
because everything we do or buy in life
needs money
and
to Correct word choice
apply
fulfill
our basic needs as Change the spelling
fulfil
human
Add an article
a human
being
.Fix the agreement mistake
beings
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Your response generally covers the topic and demonstrates a clear stance. However, try to elaborate more on your points to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear, but there are moments where more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures would enhance clarity.
task achievement
You use relevant examples, but adding more details or different scenarios could increase their persuasive power.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure is evident, with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs. Nonetheless, consider using more transitional phrases to ensure smoother paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows smoothly into the next. Addressing counterarguments briefly could also increase the cohesion of your work.
coherence cohesion
Correct spelling mistakes and grammar errors, and use more precise vocabulary to make your essay more professional.
task achievement
You've clearly presented your stance on the argument from the beginning, which is crucial for a solid IELTS essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically organized, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.
task achievement
Examples provided effectively illustrate your points, demonstrating a practical understanding of how money can influence happiness.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.