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Band 2.5

Topic: Today more and more people want things instantly. Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#topic #people #development
In the
poceed
Correct your spelling
proceed
 world, folks want to get things done as
possible
Correct quantifier usage
much possible
show examples
 as in order to focus their free
time
 on important things. From my point of view, it is a positive development certainly.
Firstly
,
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
costs
Fix the agreement mistake
cost
show examples
 of living tends
people
Change preposition
to people
show examples
 to make more money and for
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they have to invest their
time
.
However
,
time
 is limited and valuable so people must get something completed instantly.
As a result
, I
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 quite a few
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 who are working double shifts that could afford living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in Japan, they barely have
time
 to take a nap and they prefer eating out
instead
 of cooking at home to save more
time
. In
further
 detail, getting things completed quicker saves a lot of
time
 for individuals. Taking websites as
realistic
Add an article
a realistic
show examples
 example, Amazon is an e-commerce platform where you can find anything that you love to purchase.
Otherwise
, traditionally you would have to go to the supermarket and wait in lines to buy products,which is very
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
. In conclusion, for earning more and more money that people have invested for a long
time
 of working which left them no
time
 for other errands.
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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is brief and could be more detailed. You could also clearly state the reasons why people want things instantly and whether you think it is mainly positive or negative.
logical structure
There is a need for smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow. Concluding statements at the end of each paragraph can help tie your ideas together.
supported main points
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and sticks to it. Try not to introduce new ideas in a paragraph that is focused on another topic.
relevant specific examples
The essay needs clearer and more detailed examples to support your ideas thoroughly. Use personal examples sparingly and include more general examples where applicable.
relevant specific examples
The example of Amazon versus traditional shopping adds a practical perspective to your argument.
supported main points
You have acknowledged that people’s desire to get things done quickly is linked to the costs of living and the need to manage time efficiently.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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